Monday Mourning

Well that does it. The Artist's Way has come to an end. Yesterday was the last day of my 12-week journey to unblocking my inner artist. How about a recap of the last three months of my life.

When I started the Artist's Way, I was unhappy with my job, my income, my husband, my friends, my house, my city, my neighborhood, and my prospects for a different life. Whiny and complainy about just about everything.

I started reading and writing the daily pages and immediately the opportunities came a-knockin'. Two weeks, that's all it took for me to see HUGE changes starting to take shape in my life. And I mean HUGE.

• My marriage has a renewed sense of joy about it. Amazing that we are probably happier now than we have been in many many years together. Did I mention that he is going through The Artist's Way too?
• I talked to my boss about not being happy where I was and with the salary I was making with no other intention but to inform that I would be starting to look for different work elsewhere. It took a couple weeks for it all to come through but I ended up getting myself a promotion and a raise out of the deal.
• I decided that my biggest life dream was to be a writer and it seems that not but one moment after that decision was declared, the universe conspired to drop an opportunity right on my head. I wrote two essays for an author who is currently working on a new book of her own. After reviewing my essays, she decided that she will in fact use them in her book so it looks like I might just get something of mine published too.
• I was unhappy with my family situation so a series of events was set in motion and now I barely recognize my life and myself. My grandfather died, I went to the funeral where I saw my entire estranged family. I've reconnected with my brother and am actively trying to be Auntie Salina to his two kids. I've been in touch with my parents and my grandparents too. It's all very surreal and to be perfectly honest, slightly uncomfortable with where the boundaries lie, but altogether, it's kind of a miracle after 10 years.
• I reached out to my father in law to resolve whatever issues he and I have had over the past year. It seems that he is either unwilling or unable to respond though because I've gotten no reply to date. Looks like that one might just be a lost cause. The outcome doesn't define the success though,  not in my eyes. I actually reached out to him after shutting both my husband and myself out of his life for over a year now. I got out of my pride and out of myself and did the right thing by everyone. All I can control is me so in that sense, it was a perfect success.

There are still a few things on my list that I want to face and resolve a bit more conclusively than they were addressed in the past twelve weeks  though. I still want to finish the little touch-ups around my house so we can put it on the market in the early spring and finally move back to the city where we belong. My poor little guitar is still sitting in it's case all lonely and silent. She needs to come out and play. I still want to start writing more on a regular basis so I can feel like I can truly call myself a writer. I haven't made any progress on the scale either, so that's definitely on the list.

Yes, I'm mourning the conclusion of the 12-week Artist's Way program  because of what it has meant in my life. But, I'm not done with it yet. I'm going to start at the beginning again and end this year with a clean slate. I'm wiping the gunk from my brain and am going to set myself up for a screamingly successful year looking forward.

Living Active isn't just about exercise you know...it's about actively living our lives. For me to continue to actively live my life, I'm rededicating myself to another 12 weeks of the Artist's Way. If it can do what it has in the past three months, I can't wait to see what else can happen next.

Here's a challenge!
I challenge you to grab the book from the used book store near you and go through the process too.

Every week, I will dedicate a post right here about The Artist's Way and my progress. I invite you all to join me and do the same. I'll wait to start reading for one week so we can all start together. I will start chapter one on Halloween then every Sunday thereafter for 3 months will be the mark for moving on to the next week of reading. Who knows, there might even be a reward at the end for those who complete the process.

Who's in?


Oh and P.S. I decided to keep blogging. :)

Hot 100 - Week 4

The OG

The Hot 100 Daddy

The Update

1. I did not weigh in. Nope, not at all. I wasn't even tempted by the scale. I know I should probably do it just to keep track of my progress or lack thereof but I just haven't really cared about much in the past week or 3. I totally slacked out on pretty much everything this week...and last week...and the week before. Damn, I'm on a roll. Time to pull my big girl britches up and get back to work.
1. Water - I tried harder to drink more water this week but I doubt it was enough.
2. Work out - I'm sorry to say that I didn't get my 5 workouts in. Sad panda.
3. Meal plan - Oh YA! Oh YA! I planned and I cooked and I ate the planned meals.
4. Tracking - Not even a little.
5. Sleep - Yes. Finally, I'm sleeping again. Hallelujah!
6. Journal - Oh YA! Oh YA! I wrote every day.
7. Food - For the most part, it was perfect since I followed my meal plan but I must confess that I had Bailey's in my coffee a couple mornings. Shhh..... :)
2. Blogs - Um....Not even a little, incase you didn't notice. Here's the thing with the blog lately. I just don't care. Ok, that didn't come out right. I care about all of you that read and I really don't want to let you down but sitting down to write a blog is something that just hasn't been fun or interesting to me lately. I just don't care about the blog itself or the content right now. I don't think it's the blog's fault, I just think I haven't been caring about much lately. Why? I really don't know. I have suspicions but nothing concrete. I've actually been tossing around the idea of retiring the blog writing indefinitely. Originally, I started this blog with the intention of using it as my journal because I was finding it difficult to develop the habit of writing in an actual journal. Then I justified it even more with the added bonus of having a support network and people outside myself to be accountable to. Now, I'm writing in my journal every day and loving it by the way and I have the world's greatest Accountabilibuddy and I just don't really feel the need to have an audience anymore. Am I just trying to self-sabotage? I don't know. I don't think so but it is a thought that has entered my mind. A question that deserves being answered I think. Feedback?
3. Book - Oh YA! Oh YA! I wrote on my little stack of note cards. Another idea that could be super awesome. A kid's book. Me? Write a kid's book? Um...weird but whatever.

Now for a little update on the belly dancing thing for the month. I'm very dissatisfied with the progress. The month is pretty much over and I have yet to get to a damn class. I've cheated you all and feel horrible about it. But because I really really do want to do belly dancing, I'm going to just wipe out the rest of the plans for this year and do belly dancing exclusively. The difficulty was that all the classes I could find were 6 or 8 week long sessions and I looked into them 1/2 way through a session so I missed everything. The one option I could find that would work turned out to be MIA. I went and it was not there. I don't know what happened. If it was a mirage or I just imagined seeing it online and paying for it or whatever but I have yet to find the damn place. So, I'll try again on Saturday morning and maybe it'll just appear. If not, I'm just going to sign up for one of those sessions I found and do it for the months of November and December. Then I'll do the martial arts and/or boxing after the first of the year. We shall see!

Hot 100 - Week 3

The OG

The Hot 100 Daddy

The Update

1. Weigh in on Sunday, October 10th at 160 even. That's 1 lb less than last week's 2lb gain. I'm almost back to the 150s again. I think I can I think I can I think I can.
1. Water - Um....nope
2. Work out 5 days - Um....nope. I wasn't feeling well.
3. Meal plan - Um....nope.
4. Track food - Um....nope. Okay...kinda. But not every day.
5. Sleep - Um...Yep.
6. Journal - Um....Yep.
7. Food choices - Um....Yep. I did have the Greek feast too and it was fabulous.
2. 3 Blogs - Um...nope. I'm up to 2 with this one. Slacker. No, I was just super busy all week long with work.
3. Work on the book - Um...nope. No comment.

Fitness Fear Friday - Facing Fears

Yesterday, I finally accomplished a piece of this Punk Rope goal that I've been hiding from for almost a full year. I spoke with a couple Health and Wellness Directors at YMCAs around my area about bringing Punk Rope to their facilities. The response was not as favorable as I hoped. Actually, it was uncomfortably close to realizing my fear of how it would be which is what motivated me to avoid it for as long as I did.

I did it anyway. I made one call, and another, and a few more. I spoke with two individuals and left voice mails for the rest. The experience evoked a thought bubble which appeared over my head that read, "How would I feel if I got all NOs?". It took me a minute to realize that my immediate response to that question wasn't anything like I would have expected it to be. I felt...indifferent. One would think I would be heart broken with how much thought, time, money, effort, and avoidance I've put into preparing and not preparing for Punk Rope to be a part of my life.

The obvious next question appeared in an overlapping thought bubble. "Why? Why would I be indifferent if I got rejected by everyone?" The answer rushed in with a speed not to be ignored, actually, I think the answer presented itself before the question was even complete. The answer was that I would be perfectly satisfied if I never actually teach a Punk Rope class because I have successfully faced my fear of it. I'm no longer afraid of what people will say or do or how they will look at me. I no longer feel a need to prove myself to anyone else because I have somehow managed to accept myself exactly how I am.

Instead of being afraid of being judged by professional trainers and fitness instructors, I was actually afraid of the judgements I was passing on myself.

Instead of being afraid of being judged by my students for being an overweight instructor, I was actually feeling ashamed of my body because of my own judgements about what an instructor SHOULD look like in my twisted mind.

By journaling about the fears and speaking to people about my thoughts and ideas, I came to realize that I am perfectly ok exactly how I am. I don't need to have a perfect body to teach others to be active because I AM LIVING ACTIVE and I AM ACTIVELY LIVING. Who cares if I still have a few too many pounds of fat on my bones. I have prepared enough, I know enough, I am enough to deserve to do whatever I want, Punk Rope included. Coming to that understanding finally allowed me to pick up the phone regardless of what the outcome would be. And coming to that understanding finally allowed me to feel a bit more peace in myself about who I am and who I am still becoming. That is something to be celebrated and appreciated.

What fitness fear have you overcome lately?

Octobelly dancing

Octobelly dancing?

Why did The 12 Days of Christmas song just pop into my head? Not at all what I was going for but whatever.

October is officially the month for shaking and shimmying and I have a plan folks. Yes indeed!

I found a facility in Seattle that was offering a great deal for any newbie signing up to try a few classes. $25 for 5 classes in a one month time period. Perfect for me! Especially considering I have a little bit of a late start this month because it took what feels like forever to find a class that would work. There are a number of belly dancing teachers in my area and a few organized classes but it seems that the majority of them offer 6 or 8 week sessions and it just so happens that I'm late for the start of all of the sessions. I was worried that I would have to let you all down but no, we're safe because I found:

Skin Deep

I will be attending a beginners belly dancing class on Tuesday and Saturday through the end of the month. Actually, to be slightly more accurate, I will be attending a beginners belly dancing class on Tuesdays and a bollywood class on Saturdays.

Did she just say bollywood?

YES, yes I did! Bollywood. Stay tuned...

Oh don't you wish you could see me in action with vlog entries instead of these lame descriptions? So sorry to disappoint but you might just have to settle for what I give you. If you're lucky, I might be able to get a couple pictures snapped but chances are that I will not be posting any kind of video proof of this activity.

Notice I do include some skating on Thursdays still and a couple bike rides with Jenny. I just can't stand to abandon my sweet Jenny girl after the amazing bonding experience we've had in the past few weeks.

I will get my plans together for November martial arts and December boxing too. More to come on that later.

Hot 100 - Week 2

The OG
The Hot 100 Daddy

The Update

1. Sunday, October 3rd I weighed in at 161. Yes folks. I hate to say it but it's true. The little dip into the 150s was yet again a temporary thing. Seems that I lost 2lbs in one week then gained them all back in one week. Not sure what that's all about but it's true none the less. Personally, I think it's all about my head. I think there's something in my silly little brain that says "Hey, you're in the 150s again...way to go...now you can relax a little....go have a beer and some southwest egg rolls....no problemo". And I go: "Really? RAD!". Der D Der.
1. I didn't drink enough water again although I was trying....well half the time.
2. I worked out 4 days instead of 5.
3. I did meal plan but didn't follow it as closely as I would have liked.
4. I tracked but only loosely.
5. Sleep has been strained. Not sure why but even with Tylenol PM...I still woke up in the middle of the night. More exercise should fix that.
6. I'm happy to report that I have successfully journaled every day and coincidentally, I'm in much better spirits this week. Funny how that works.
7. I didn't take the Oktoberfest free day as planned because when we got to the festivities...IT SUCKED. So we just turned around and came home. No beer or brauts for me. Probably better than way. I do have my Greek cooking day tomorrow though. Looking forward to it. Ooooopa!
2. Wrote 3 blogs this week. Success! I had a slow start in the week though so I didn't do a Monday post but whatever. I do what I can in as little time as I have.
3. The writing work on the book is still on my wish list and not on my schedule. But after doing a little thinking this week, I decided that I need to put it on my schedule. Time to write and allow myself to be creative in between all my scheduled TO-DOs. Good plan.

Fitness Fear Friday - Accountabelly Dancing

Today, I want to talk about the secret sauce in my world. My secret sauce is all about the accountability. If left to my own devices, I may just choose to blow off plans for exercise or fitness of any kind if I just don't happen to be in the mood.

I felt the ugly little thoughts creep up this month for sure. Not only am I getting a late start on the month because I had no idea it would be so challenging to find a simple belly dancing class but it's also um...BELLY DANCING. Does anyone else get the irony of this or am I alone here? Somehow, I'm supposed to get excited to shake my jiggly bits and not only that but pay someone to teach me to shake them to music. AND as if that's not enough, I also have to put it on display for all you lovely people who I have nothing against but um...you're people. If I had the belly above....no problemo. But I don't. Mine has a little more to it than that.

Speaking of Fat Chicks Bellydancing

It would be oh so easy to just sit around and do nothing for the next couple weeks with one of the thinly veiled excuses we all choose to use. I'm busy. I'm tired. I don't feel well. I had a long, stressful day. I have company coming over sometime in the near future. I didn't get enough sleep last night. I have to cook dinner. I have to deal with the kids. I have to deal with the dogs. I have to deal with the cars. I have to go to the bathroom. I have to pick my nose. I have to shove my thumb up my butt.

It would be easy for me to get away with using those excuses for myself because I am a master justifier when I need to be. Well, that's true if I'm the only member of the audience but when I have to share my excuses out loud with someone or multiple someones, they don't sound so good anymore. And I then have the added mirror of the look I get back from the person or persons I'm blowing smoke at. For me...that represents a fear.

I'm afraid of disappointing people. I'm afraid of damaging my reputation of being responsible and accountable and honest and trustworthy. I might be kinda rude or bitchy every now and again but the people that know me, know that they can count on me. I do what I say I will do and show up when I say I will show up. Losing that image scares me.

So...having my Accountabilibuddy and having a team of support people here in the land of blogz who stop by and read me and vote for me and comment keeps me going. If I didn't have people outside of myself expecting me to show up, I wouldn't have any reason to show up.

It's a positive side of fear. So thanks for being here, it really does help me.

What positive fear do you have?

What if I were consistent?

I would be unstoppable if only I could manage a certain amount of consistency in my actions. Instead, I am gung-ho off the start and burn myself out shortly thereafter. I do this with everything in life. I've done this with school, with reading, with fitness, with writing, with friends, with family, with playing the guitar, with work, with self care, with blogging, with everything. Yes my way allows me to gather many experiences that others might not be able to have if they're focused on one thing for an extended duration of time but it also sets me up for disappointment. 

Lately, I've found myself in one of those ebb portions of the cycle. For the past two weeks, I've had a lackluster interest in just about everything. Friends are getting on my nerves (hurting my feelings), family is in my life and not in my life and it's all very confusing for me. I haven't tracked any of my food or my fitness. I haven't been writing or journaling like I prefer. I haven't been cooking or sleeping or reading or exercising very much. I haven't been reading any of your fabulous blogs out there that I usually look forward to on a daily basis. I just haven't been fully participating in my own life.

What if I were to consistently do those things that I know make me happy? What if I read every day? What if I wrote every day? What if I cooked whole, healthful foods everyday? What if I exercised every day? What if I got 8 hours of sleep every night?

What would my world look life I did those things more regularly?

First and foremost, I think I'd be consistently happier. That's a no-brainer. I'd have more energy. I might take more notice of my surroundings and have a deeper appreciation for the goings on in my world. I might pay closer attention to the journey and not find myself so focused on the destination. I might lose more weight. I might find more joy in my friendships. I might realize more success in this blog and in my work. I might actually sleep better if I maintained consistency in the other areas. I might just be a better person for myself and for those that I care about.

What would your world look like if you were more consistent?

Hot 100 - Week 1

Update time ladies and dudes.

Ready for it?

Ready?

My Goals

My Update

1. On September 20, I said I wanted to lose 1 lb every week. I weighed in on Sunday the 26th a whole 2 lbs lighter than before. 2 lbs. WoooooHoooo! Numbers are good so in the name of full disclosure: I weighed 161 on the 19th and 159 on the 26th.


1. Barely drank enough water though I'm trying.
2. Did not work out 5 days. I did however go for a nice bike ride and did a lot of house and yard work but the gym has been sadly missing me.
3. Meal plan? Bah... I'm going to get a hold of this little action this weekend though.
4. No tracking to speak of. Oops.
5. Sleep has been horrible. Maybe 6 hours if I'm lucky. No bueno for me.
6. Journal has been collecting dust for much of the week. I wrote on Monday, then nothing until last night. It's the sleep deprived thing. Oh ya, and I watched a movie instead. Choices.
7. Food choices were decent. I didn't go to Oktoberfest on the 25th as I planned though. I skipped that one in exchange for a bigger better beerfest in Leavenworth this weekend. Yay BEER!


2. I only wrote 2 blogs this week. Well, actually this one would make 3 so I guess I did it. Just not how I planned. Whatever.
3. I did not work on my book this week either. No writing means no writing. And to be totally honest with y'all, I'm feeling it in my attitude and my mood and my spirit. I'm just one of those weird writer people that needs to write to be happy I think.

In other news...
The polls have closed and I'm very disappointed in the turnout of voters this time around. 5 votes! That's all I got all month long. I think we can do better than that. Oh well, too late now. Here's how it's gonna roll:

October - I'm going to be a belly dancing mama and I'm not thrilled about this because I have a decent sized belly to shake around and I have horrid imagery in my head about it. But, I will follow through and report more specifically on my plans in my next post.

November - Will be some kind of martial art. Not sure which one yet. I'll be doing a bit of research to find something good. Or, if you have any suggestions, please let me know. I'm open.

December - I'm going to beat up on a punching bag as a boxer girl. Ooooo I'll be sure to have some super cute hot pink boxing gloves with skulls and cross-bones on them. Stay tuned for that as well.

Fitness Fear Friday - I'm all VONerable

I think the scariest thing for me about admitting fear is in the vulnerability that inevitably follows. All of a sudden, I'm exposed. One moment I think I'm perfectly content just being a mysterious figure observing the world from the corner to next moment standing bare butt naked in the middle of a crowded room telling everyone my inner secrets of self doubt and whatever else comes flying from my face.

People are fallible creatures and for some reason, we mistake makers in the world love to see others' mistakes as well. It makes us feel a little better about ourselves maybe. We can ease up on ourselves a little if we see others facing similar struggles. But I have to admit, I've never ever EVER been comfortable with allowing any visibility into what makes me tick as a person if it meant seeing any mess under the surface of the image I want to portray. For me, that mess has all been in the emotional realm. I could care less about people seeing my dishevelled house or dysfunctional relationships. But I have always cared about what I viewed and judged as emotional instability in myself.

There's definitely something liberating about it, being vulnerable that is. At least if I allow myself to be vulnerable to the people in my life, I know that they are around me because they really care and not just because I'm funny and like to have a good time. I don't just give the surface of myself to my friends and my family. I'm either all the way open or all the way closed. Black and white. Right and wrong. On and off. I don't have my own dimmer switch nor do I really see the need for one.

My biggest fear in the world is to find out that I'm not good enough.

What's your biggest fear?

What-if we were all honest

Yesterday, I met some people. New people. I'm usually an easy going kind of person and am willing to accept whoever for whatever they are as long as they don't push their beliefs on me. But sometimes, every great once in a while, I have a strong reaction to new people. I get an overwhelming sense about someone that I just can't ignore. It's either an intense dislike for them or I decide immediately that we're kindred spirits.

I had a strong reaction to one person I met. The moment they entered the room, before they had even gotten close to me or in view, I had a feeling in my gut. It was like the muscles in my stomach all decided to hit the deck at once. Then the hair stood up on my neck. I swallowed the huge knot in my throat and scrunched my face in disgust as though I was rejecting a fowl smell.

My first impression was not a favorable one both intuitively and with what little interaction there was.

This person just happens to be a "friend" of one of my friends. I haven't been asked for my opinion on this person as is typically the tradition in friendville so I'm still safe. But it got me thinking...what on earth am I suppose to say to my friend if/when I'm asked for that opinion?

Am I to be honest? Or am I to give what I think is necessary to protect the friendship?

To be a good friend, I would have to say that I must be honest with my friend. When I ask people's opinions, I expect them to tell me the truth. If someone knew that my husband was being unfaithful or lying about something, I would hope that a friend would tell me. I know not everyone thinks like I do though. Others avoid the truth at all costs. They avoid the truth in others and they avoid the truth in themselves.

That brings me to another thought. What if we were all honest with ourselves?

Part of what I don't like about this new person is that I perceive them as being so insecure that they try and I emphasize TRY to put on a front of being tough and cool. I respect real people. People with flaws and strengths. People with opinions based on self awareness and education. I do not respect people who wear a mask. This person wears a very flimsy mask.

How can we as fallible creatures be expected to be honest with others when we can't even be honest with ourselves?

What if we were all just honest with ourselves about who we are and what we think, feel, and believe?

How would your life be different if you chose to face the truth about who you are?

Fitness Fear Friday - Punk Rope

Oh boy. Here we go again. I apologize in advance for the long post but I've got shit to say today. Read it, I promise you won't be disappointed.

Do you remember my references to Punk Rope over the past year?
This one, This one, This one, This one, This one, Oh and this one too

I must confess.

I'm a scaredy cat!

Scared of what?
I'm so glad you asked.
Um...total and complete rejection and humiliation...duh.

Elaborate please?
I've mentioned it before but if I must repeat myself, I must.

How about a quick recap?
Learned about Punk Rope from BitchCakes
Took instructor training workshop
Got my ACSM Personal Trainer certification
Started planning the logistics and stuff to bring Punk Rope to Seattle
Partnered up with one of the Rat City Rollergirls who I met at the instructor training workshop
Reached out to a couple YMCAs in the area
Got no response
Froze right there in my tracks

Thems are the facts YO.

But then there are some touchy feely kinda things that facts don't express...

It's the icky self doubt monster again.



Doesn't he make you just want to get out the color crayons and go to town? No? Just me huh?


I've talked all about the stupid negative self talk and beliefs I have about it before too.

Another quick recap?
I'm still fat and fat chicks don't teach aerobics classes
If I tried, no one would take me seriously
Just because I have a personal trainer certification, it doesn't mean I know what I'm doing
I don't know what I'm doing
Everyone who does know what they're doing are going to know that I don't know what I'm doing and I'll be a laughing stock
I have no right "teaching" other people how to exercise

Disclosure here: I don't actually think the above self-talk is accurate or helpful in any way. Quite the opposite actually. It's total and complete B.S.! All of it. Just crap!

The truth is:
So what if I'm still overweight. Fat chicks most certainly do teach aerobics classes and they can do it just as well as any skinny little gym rat. So there!
Well I'm not trying so of course no one is taking me seriously.
I know more than I give myself credit for.
Let them laugh if they're dumb enough to. Besides, it's totally unrealistic that people are going to point and laugh if/when I choose to fumble my way through my very first class as the instructor.
I have every right to do whatever I feel like doing because damn it, I've earned it and I deserve it.

If only I could get the truth to stick in my head.

I recently had a small series of coincidental events take place that brought the Punk Rope dilemma to the surface again. And I've been on this kick of watching for life's little opportunities then climbing on and riding them til they fall over. Oh and I should also mention that this series of events took place in a 24-hour period.

First event - My favorite Bombshell has been hounding me and nagging me and taunting me for months to do something with this Punk Rope stuff and so far I've been able to brush her off with the "ya ya ya, I'll get to it". Nothing personal...the power of fear is strong. I started thinking about all her little not so subtle hints recently because I've been slowly, one by one, facing some of these fears that have caused me to avoid things that I enjoy. I thought...perhaps it's time to think about Punk Rope again.

Second event - I write every single day now. Some days, I spend several hours spinning quips. I love it! LOVE! Love writing. But when I write, deep dark thoughts and feelings and ideas seem to just fall out of my head onto the page and there it is in black and white. It's hard to ignore what is staring you right back in the face. And guess what fell out and started playing the staring game with me? You got it. Punk Rope. Apparently, my brain decided it's time to tell me to get off my scared little ass and do the damn thing.

Third event - The morning after I wrote the glaring lines about it finally being time to face the Punk Rope fear, I opened my email and what did I see but a nice little message from Mr. Punk Rope himself. Psychic much? Get this coincidence! Not only was it a message that someone else had contacted him to ask if there are any classes in Seattle (since he has forwarded me about 3 or 4 in the past year) but this person is a writer for a newspaper in my area and offered to give a class of its kind some well deserved publicity. Um....ouch. That one smacked me right in the face. "Wake up STUPID!"

Fourth event - After reading the above mentioned email slap, I started thinking about where I would hold the class, how I would get it started, who I wanted to target to attend the class, what it would look like, blah blah blah. I found myself all confused and overwhelmed with the what-ifs swirling my brain into oblivion when I opened one of the blogs I check on a regular basis. There it was. Right there in all it's glory on Jack Sh*t's post of the day. Of course! Childhood obesity. Working with kids who want to get parents up off their mashed-potato lumpy butts and get their hour of play a day in. A class for kids and parents to play together. It's perfect! Jumping rope totally brings the kid out of any adult. It nostalgically shocks us back to grade school on the playground playing double-dutch and singing those creepy kid rhymes.

So obviously...that has to be the answer.

I've definitely decided that I must act NOW! I have to make this thing happen once and for all. I think it's going to be best to start it up with local YMCAs or already established clubs or gyms or whatever. But I have a problem and I want to ask for help. Here it goes.

1. I need help keeping my inner-bitch at bay. AKA - Encouragement.
2. I need help figuring out what to do to get started. Who do I contact? How do I contact them? What do I say? How do I prepare? Etc.

I'd like to ask everyone reading this to please comment, send me email, forward this post to everyone you know who might be able and willing to offer me any advice and/or ideas so I can finally face this stupid fear and finally make this thing happen. I really want to do this. I want to do this for me and I want to do this for the people (kids and parents) who are fat and frustrated and unhappy and want to learn to exercise in a fun way.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and for being here with me through this journey.

What if I chickened out?

A few days ago, I started surfing online for organized bike rides around the Puget Sound area where I live and work. My expectation was that I would find a few but that I would have already missed them due to the rainy season upon us up here in the great Pacific Northwest. I was happily mistaken though. I found one in particular that was happening just down the street from me and it took place this past weekend. Without even thinking about it (or considering the weather report) I jumped. I registered myself and Jenny and we were ready to go.

Then I thought about it. I asked a couple friends if they wanted to go with me. They turned me down. I looked at the weather report and it called for rain, rain, and more rain. I don't have rain gear. I was invited to my grandmother's 80th birthday party the same day. I would most definitely be late to arrive. The course description for the 25 mile ride said to expect slight rolling hills. Jenny only has 7 gears and she's not so easy to maneuver up any steep hills and in my neck of the woods, "rolling hills" usually means "minor mountains". All of a sudden, I saw obstacles appear before me to pursue what I was originally excited about doing.

Here they come. Here come the self doubt, negative self talk thoughts again. I have no idea what I'm doing for an organized ride. Never done it before. And no one will go with me. What if I can't make it? What if it rains all over me? Do I really want to be soggy wet and miserable? What if I can't make it up the "rolling hills"? What if something breaks on my bike and I don't know how to fix it? What if I make a complete fool of myself? What if I stick out like a sore thumb because I'm surrounded by a bunch of northwesterners who live a bike life? You know the ones, the people who wear their full bicycle gear with their aerodynamic helmets, matching spandex outfits, and clicky shoes to the grocery store. What if I'm the only non bicycle obsessing freak there and they all point and laugh? What if they're all snooty eastside housewives who have private bicycle trainers and hire nannies so they can ride their bicycles with Mr. Rock Hard Abs?

But....there's the other side of the brain that started calling out the sissy in me. RIDICULOUS! What if I choose to stay home where it's warm and dry and comfortable? How proud am I going to be of myself? What about the money I spent on it? So what if it rains? Hello....I live in SEATTLE. It rains here. Big deal. So what if I do it alone, I'm a big girl. Since when have I ever been worried about being judged before? No need to start now. What if it will be fun? What if it will be one of those tiny little opportunities I've committed myself to take advantage of? What if I allow myself to chicken out?

Guess who won the argument?



Cheerleaders...and I didn't steal any pompoms



See the bell? I got a bell....finally. Love!

Funny. I couldn't go that fast if I was full speed down hill.

My flower. We all got flowers at the rest stop.

Soaking wet from one of the torrential rain showers

Just a flowery house somewhere

Look for the W with the directional indication so as not to get lost

Not sure if he was part of the ride volunteer staff or if he was just a cool guy beating drums under a bridge.

What if I finish the thing?

I ended up with a basket full of flowers because I picked up all the ones that others dropped

Notice the derby helmet, Via Spiga rain trench, and poka dotted rubber boots aka RAIN GEAR. I made do with what I had. I got soaked anyway but it was soooooo worth it.

This ride was by far the most challenging yet. I'd never done 25 miles before. I'd never done an organized ride before. I'd never ridden with traffic before. I'd never ridden by myself before. I'd never ridden in the rain before. I'd never done so many hills before. I'd never been so proud of myself for doing what would have been so easy to avoid before.

I can't even imagine missing the opportunity to feel about myself how I feel after having done this.

What if you face your fears and end up getting everything you ever wanted?

Jenny's Adventures on the Green River Trail

The infamous Green River. Have you heard of the Green River Killer before? Check it out.

I was a kid when all those killings were happening but I remember it all. I lived with my family in some apartments south of Seattle. The apartments were right along the Green River. I remember there being a little foot bridge that led to a wooded area across the river and my parents and all the neighbors would hide Easter Eggs over there for all the children every year. I thought it was so much fun to hunt for the eggs in the woods.

Then one day, it all changed. There were helicopters everywhere over head and news cameras combing the neighborhoods and the woods. There were police officers everywhere. They even had scuba divers searching the murky water for victims of the then mysterious Green River Killer. He's not so mysterious anymore though.  

Perhaps it's time that Jenny and I revisit the beloved Green River?
Here are our adventures.

Scrounging through my horribly small and unimpressive wardrobe, I managed to find what I think is a cute first attempt at appropriate bicycle fashion. I actually bought this skirt to wear roller skating but still haven't managed to use it for it's intended purpose. So why not just substitute 2 wheels for the 8 (count them - quad skates = 4 wheels on each skate x 2 skates....ah yes)?

Bicycle Fashion

A closer look at just how cute I am. You're expecting me to click my heels together aren't you? Well I'm not going to do it.

I'm sorry but I must admit that I'm damn cute in my new tights and school girl skirt

One of my favorite things about riding bicycles lately is all the art you get to see. I've seen a lot more sculptures and paintings and gardens and plaques in the past few weeks with Jenny than I've ever noticed before and I just love it.


Guardrail Stencil


One of the things about the Pacific Northwest is that we get a lot of Native American art. I don't have anything against the Native Americans or their art but I just don't find it appealing to my eye. None the less, here are a couple pieces along the Green River Trail. Enjoy!

Native American Art

More Native American Art

Enough of that stuff. Ghetto art please?

Ah....now that's more like it. Graffiti anyone?

Why hello there. Normally I wouldn't taunt you with what you can't have but I will tell you that I was a little disappointed when I took this picture. There was a whole group of about 7 cyclists that came through right then but I only managed to get the last one. That wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that they ALL smiled and they ALL waved with the same hand at the same time with the graffiti in the background. My stupid camera wasn't quick enough to get it done in time though. Sad.

A opportunistic friendly passerby

More graffiti art...

I'm not sure what it is but I like it. A duck? A sumo? Hello!

I love all the bridges along the bike trails too. Green River Trail was rich with them. There were a couple really narrow ones and windy ones and old ones and tall ones. I couldn't take pictures of them all though I did try to get some to share with you. See how thoughtful I am?

One bridge

When I was a kid living by the Green River, my dad would take my brother and I down to the river to throw our fishing poles in the water too. I don't know why, but I completely forgot about that until just this moment when I saw people by the water's edge patiently waiting in their beer haze for the day's catch.

A beautiful day for fishing the Duamish/Green/Black River (whatever it's called)

Don't you just feel the stress melting away?

Just a nice peaceful ride along the tree-line river trail

Foster Golf Links is actually a decent course. It's relatively short but is well kept with gorgeous trees and fairways. They have decent food too.

What? Happy Hour!

Passersby who seemed a little camera shy

I know you were asking yourselves...that's nice and all but what about Jenny. Calm down, keep your pants on. Here she is. Like I would do a post about her adventures without including her. She wouldn't let me anyway. She's actually a little vain. Loves her picture taken. I'm probably to blame for that with all the doting.

Yes Jenny, you look very pretty in that light

You give the husband a camera and this is what he comes up with.

Uho....left or right?

It was my first time ever riding in a skirt and I must say that I really did enjoy it. Although, I will share with you that I noticed a few passersby drop their eyes to "down there" wondering if they were going to get a peak at what I'm wearing underneath.

We picked right.

Now where is that clip of the Laverne and Shirley theme song?

Now don't we make a cute couple?

What to do now? The trail is closed. It looks like an official sign and everything. I've been on that part of the trail before and it really is nice and windy right along the river.

No! Since when do I follow rules? Never.

Well, as you can see, we chose to bust through the official sign and take our chances with any legal ramifications because we live for ADVENTURE. After all, this is all about Jenny's Adventures.

Rules or not, none shall pass

But alas, the officials outsmarted us by stacking a few miles worth of sandbags along the river's edge just in case there is a flood. I checked the King County website and found that they placed the sand bags there a couple years ago where they will remain until roughly 2014. Great plan people. Or...hey...here's an idea.....don't build entire cities along a river that routinely FLOODS!

The trail was blocked

What is there to do when you come to a dead end and are forced to turn around than to strike a pose? Nothing that I can think of.

Oh, thaaaat's what she wears underneath

Pretty view of the traffic above and serene below. I love that kind of contrast.

Green green river

It's like a sign from the gods. Can you hear the angels singing? Okay, enough commentary. Just enjoy the pictures.

Soccer fans?

Two Bridge. Look at what I can do!

A little history? Get learned.

Three bridge

Show off! I can't do that.

Water district building I think. Kinda cool.

What a beautiful day!

There you go. No dead bodies. No helicopters. No news crews. And no paparazzi that I could spot in the bushes hoping for a money shot of Jenny. She really is a little full of herself lately but I don't care, I love her just as she is.

The next series of adventure photos will be posted shortly. Oh and it's going to be a good one too. Jenny and just did a nice long ride for charity in the rain. Stay tuned...

I want to know about your bicycle adventures.