In 2010 I began a journey with the idea that if I was just an active person, my body would naturally reflect my lifestyle and go from fat to fit without having to count calories or join a weight loss community or hire a personal trainer or a nutritionist or an endocrinologist or a neurologist or a psychologist or a hypnotherapist or a naturopath. I've said before that I think my hypothesis was flawed and the proof is in my pudding thighs, not to mention that I have had or still have every single one of those professionals working to help me realize my goal.
Have I succeeded? Nope! Not yet anyway. I'm still overweight and as frustrated as ever. I eat lean proteins, fresh veggies, fruits and berries of every variety. I stay away from baked goods, grains, legumes, sweets, dairy, coffee, and alcohol (for the most part). I have had a regimented exercise schedule for what seems like a decade. And yet, I'm still only about 4lbs under my max weight. If I eat a healthy, nutritious, and a well balanced diet while staying active and all those people with letters after their names have told me that I do all the right things, then why am I still fat?
Now, I don't know because like I said, I'm still overweight and still frustrated but I have recently had a revelation that may hold the answer. Here it is. I have a horrible belief no matter how much I would like to deny it that I will never lose weight. That's right. If I'm totally honest with myself and the world around me, I truly believe that I will never actually succeed. The Bitch in my head says all kinds of nasty things to me. "Honey, you're stuck, deal with it!". "You think you're actually going to succeed this time? Ha! Hahahaha! You funny lady!" NOT! "How many times have you tried and failed? Wait, how many was that? That's what I thought. Gooooooood luck, phfb...!" Seriously, if any other Bitch were to say shit like that to me, I'd tackle her and shove my fist through the back of her throat. Why is it ok for me to say that to me? It's just not acceptable.
One of those PhDs or MDs or specialists I listed above recommended that I read a book called You are Not Your Brain (sarcasm: although I can't understand why). The next day, I ordered the book and began reading it as soon as it arrived in my mailbox. What I found so far is that I'm far more neurotic and screwed up in the head than I ever thought. I mean, I knew I was a wack job. Kinda hard to avoid it when you come from where I've been. But I thought I had overcome the biggest demons already. How wrong I was. I've discovered now that The Bitch in my head is my biggest demon of all.
Apparently, our brains have a nifty little way of tricking us into sabotaging ourselves so that our beliefs are reinforced. If I believe I'm stuck in this fat suit forever, then my brain is going to look for any opportunity or evidence to make sure the belief remains true. Et voila! A fat chick who believes she's stuck being fat forever remains fat. It's a miracle. It's annoying. It's reversible. Hallelujah.
So now I'm learning what those negative beliefs are and what triggers them and where they come from and why. But more importantly, I'm learning how to change them and prove them all wrong starting with this one. That Bitch is going down and she can take my waistline with her.