Thursday, April 29, 2010

Girls in the Weight Room

When I very first stepped into a weight room a couple years ago, I have to admit that I was totally and completely intimidated.

First off, I was fat. FAT. I know what happens in my head about myself, at least what use to happen in my head about my former fatter self. My huge fear was that it was happening in everyone else's heads too.
  • Oh look at that. The fat chick thinks she's gonna lift some weights. Hahahaha. Whatever fatty, might as well just perfect lifting that burger to your lips.
  • I have no idea what I'm doing in here, and everyone else is going to see it too.
  • Everyone's looking at me, everyone's looking at me, everyone's looking at me...
I know, I'm a total bitch. I'm more of a bitch to myself though. Well, I'm working on that. I don't talk to myself like that anymore. No wonder why I was fat and unhappy, right?

I think others talk to themselves like this too, to an extent at least. There are two ways that people can respond to this kind of taunting though: 1. They can cower and shy away from it and hide from the world behind their burger and bucket of french fries. 2. They can tell the world (and the bitch in their head) to piss off and do the damn thing anyway. I've never been one to shy away and cower so of course I curled my tiny little carnie fingers in to the palm of my hand, leaving one popular finger flying high for all to see. Then I marched my fat ass right into the weight room and did what I needed to do.

I'm sure there were some rhoided out freaks judging me all up and down and round my perimeter but I didn't care, judge away gentlemen. I'm sure they were all watching me to see what I was doing and what I was doing all wrong, but their fascination with me doesn't have to have any influence on what I do for myself. I'm sure they could all tell just how clueless and scared I was but I'm sure they got over it when they saw me come back over and over again. There were a couple times that some douchebag bitches tried to push me off a bench I was using or bully me away from a squat bar by asking me in mid lift if I was almost done (with a look of contempt in their beaty little eyes). My response was always the same and will always remain the same.

"I'm using that and NO I'm not done yet".

Girls have just as much right to be in the weight room as any of the muscle head retards grunting and groaning and posing in the mirror for themselves. Fat girls, skinny girls, short girls, tall girls, girly girls, old girls, new girls, clueless girls, and all other kinds of girls have every right to be in the weight room.

If you ever go to a gym where the inflated Ken Doll wannabes are mean mugging you when you walk into their territory, throw one right back at them with a snarly little smile just to tell them to Fuck Off. If they try to encroach on your little work out area, tell them to move. If they take a bench that you were just on, tell them you're still using it. You don't have to take that shit, you know. On the other end of the coin, if you don't know what you're doing and you want to learn, they're a great resource and typically willing to give advice too. Most of them can be really helpful and supportive if you give them the opportunity.

Weight training is really good for your body, for your metabolism, for your mind, and for your emotional well being. It feels oh so good to march into a weight room with confidence, knowing that you overcame your fears about it, knowing that you're doing good things for yourself and no one and nothing is going to get in your way...including yourself.

Happy lifting.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

PMS at the gym

Yesterday, was a lovely day at the gym, I'm sure. But for me, it was less than amusing.

First was a little bit of cardio fun with the hubby. A couple quick games of racquetball. Great start to the workout right? Sure, that is until we decided to discuss rules of fault serves. Who should be responsible for calling fault serves when there is no ref calling the game? And should you have to SEE where the ball landed or is it sufficient to rely purely on the difference of the sound it makes when hitting the floor or the glass back wall?

Personally, I think it's absolutely ridiculous to think that sound is a better judge of where the ball landed than to actually SEE it. If it were a better indicator, don't you think refs in competition matches would just put their ear to the glass to make their calls? Don't they? Um...NO! NO THEY DON'T! What do they do then? How ever can they tell when a serve is considered a fault? My goodness. Oh, I know, perhaps they WATCH the ball. Just a thought.

Hubby thinks it should be up to either the server or the receiver every time to call a fault, rather than just both players watch the damn ball all the time. I think that's stupid too. If the server calls the fault every time, they could be giving themselves the added advantage. But if the receiver is the responsible for calling a fault, they could do the same thing. If the receiver doesn't like a serve, they could just call it a fault and get a better serve next time. Not fare. And what happens if some one doesn't call an obvious fault? Then what?


Then it was time to hit the weights and work on some lower body muscles. By the time we were done arguing about racquetball, the weight room had filled up with the stinky bitches with their orange skin and guido hair. I walked into the weight room, looked around, probably had the meanest mug on my face one could imagine then turned around and walked right back out again. I just did everything on the machines instead of free weights.

Seated leg press
Seated hamstring curl
Seated abductor/adductor machine
Standing calf raise

Then to the mat for some ab work. I was not feeling the ab thing so I tortured Accountablibuddy with the abs while I watched. That was fun for me. Before you judge, you should know that bad period and crunches don't mix too well. I won't gross you out with any of the gory details (like I do to hubby), and you're welcome.

Just a couple things that have been on my mind lately.

Here's a little mention for some of the orange crusty guido freaks out there: If I'm still on a machine, I'M NOT DONE YET, so don't ask!

Oh and another little shout out to the in-house trainers: If I've got my ear buds in and I'm silently singing along to whatever music I'm rocking, it's not a good time to stop me and ask what my fitness goals are. MmmmK? Ear buds + singing along + actively lifting weights = Leave me the fuck alone!

Friday, April 23, 2010


I got this new app for my iPhone and have started trying to play with it. I actually downloaded multiple apps to try them out and see if/what I might enjoy. Of all the apps I tried, this one by far has been the best one.

There are hundreds of workouts on it.

The different workouts are searchable by keyword

You can also search by what you are trying to accomplish or what location you are in to do your workout whether it be in a hotel room or the weight room at your gym.

You can save some of the workouts you've done to your favorites so they're easy to access again.

You can create your own workouts.

There are demo videos to watch.

You can keep track of weights and reps and any other notes for each workout.

You can even time your workouts.

You can customize your profile to calculate BMI, your metabolic rate, body fat %, target heart rate, etc.

It tracks your progress on body measurements, weight, weights, etc.

You can also share your workouts with your friends who have the app too.

I'm telling you...this thing is RAD!

I don't even have the full version yet. YET! I totally plan to get the full version.

*Just so you know too...they aren't paying me to tell you any of this. I'm seriously just in love with this app.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Weight training and stuff like that

The first week of April activity is well underway. Weight training is the winner and I've got two workouts taken care of already. First thing first. I'm a planner through and through so I don't dare dive into my goals without first having an idea of the path I intend to follow. I've gotten into the habit of creating a monthly exercise calendar so I can be sure to get enough exercise in as well as the proper amount of rest for my muscles in between my workouts. So, without further distraction. Here is my revised exercise calendar.

You'll see on the calendar that I took care of a lower body weight training workout and an upper body workout already this week. It's true. That's what I did. Correction: That's what we did. We meaning Accountabilibuddy and I. Yes, I'm her trainer this month.

Here are the exercises we did. The weights referenced are what I did. Accountabilibuddy took it a little easier than that though. Especially for her first time in the weight room.

Lower Body Exercises

Upper Body Exercises

I've had this schedule of alternating upper and lower body weight training every other day for quite a while now. Of course, there have been plenty of weeks when I didn't follow it as planned for whatever reasons but for the most part, it works well for me. This schedule tends to give me just enough time for my damaged muscles to recover and rest before I engage them again and it allows me to focus my workouts so I don't feel scatter-brained in the gym.

I know that on lower body weight days, I'll be working quads, hammies, inner and outer thighs, calves, butt, and abs. I never find myself standing in the middle of the gym spinning around in circles wondering which direction I should go because I have a plan. Some days I do choose to spend more time on the machines and less in the weight room or vise versa but that's about the extent to my wondering around the gym. And even that has a purpose. Depending on the day, the time of day, and the time of year the weight room can be over filled with the idiot muscle heads who insist on grunting when they do 40lb barbell curls.

What's the deal with that by the way? I mean, I can do 30lb barbell curls with normal SILENT breathing, why does a rhoided out freak need to grunt out loud then drop the weights and pace back and forth in front of them like he's trying to psych out his opponent? Why? Why? WHY? I'll tell you why. There is absolutely no good reason for it. NONE! The reason they do it is because they're partially retarded. I'm sure of it. Perhaps instead of choosing to grunt while lifting, they should focus more on controlling their breath so they can get more oxygen to their tiny little deprived brains. Just a thought.

The first couple workouts went well I think. Well, I got good workouts from them. I burned a ton of calories and felt really good about working all the major muscles. And, I was/am really proud of Accountabilibuddy for hanging in there too. She was not in the mood to do much of anything this week. There may have even been a bit of whining. Just a bit. Nothing I can't handle. But, I'm very happy to say that she sucked it up and did the damn thing.

Toward the end of the lower body workout, we ended up over on the mats to do abs. Right next to the mats are a couple cardio machines. There were a couple women on the stationary bikes there while Accountabilibuddy was trying to get out of having to do any more abs than she wanted. While I was pushing her to do more, the onlookers seemed to get a little entertainment value from it. While they were up there on their little pedestals, peddling their feet oh so gently so as not to break a sweat, WE were down on the mat kicking our abs into high gear.

So you think that's entertaining do you, Unexercisers? I must say that I had the thought run through my head of confronting these unexercisers and challenging them to drop and show us how it's done if they enjoyed watching so much. I didn't though. I just looked up at them and chuckled. I behaved myself. That doesn't mean I'll be holding it together if/when it happens again though. I just love poking people. How very sociopathic of me I know. I just can't help it. When I see buttons, I instinctively want to push them.

Then we did upper body weights. Oh it was good. Accountabilibuddy actually hurt her knee again. She's got a meniscus problem. Little bugger. So I made sure to do all activities that would not put any pressure or strain on her knee. You know what that means? Bench press time! Ya baby! I love doing bench presses. We did bench presses and dumbbell flyes for chest work. I wanted to make her do pushups but that couldn't happen this week. Perhaps after her knee is healed. There's just something about doing upper body weight training that makes me feel powerful. You'd think I would get that feeling doing any kind of weight training but I don't.

What kind of exercise makes you feel powerful?

I have so much more to say about this and more but I think I should cut it off here for now.

Sneak peak on future topics
Other entertaining gym goers
Annoying gym habits
Not all cardio is created equal
Fear in the weight room
Muscle soreness and recovery
Which exercises work and which ones suck
La la la, I can't hear you with my ear buds in and music cranked to 11

What other topics are you interested in knowing about my weight training adventures?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Nothing really, just blog maintenance

Howdy y'all.

I actually got a few minutes of down time here so I thought I'd look into giving my blog a boost if at all possible. It has been kinda lonely lately I think. Not only have I neglected it but it seems that the rest of the world has taken the same route.

I wrote a little while ago about how I think I haven't given it the respect and attention it deserves and I'd like to change that. Well, here's a step to doing that...I hope.


Another thought that crossed my mind was just the simple look of it. I'm thinking it's slightly ugly. What do you think? It's okay, you can be honest. What do you think? What do you like? What do you hate? What suggestions do you have for me? I'm totally open to any and all criticism and ideas so please don't be shy.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Liar Liar Hot Yoga Pants on Fire

Yes, I lied. And it was to you. It wasn't an intentional lie though. I was telling the truth as I knew it at the time. It slowly became a lie. So now I'm here to confess my sins and beg forgiveness. Ok, not really but you get the idea, right?

My last post, I showed you all a picture of my calendar for the month of April and I had a clever title and everything. Hot hot hot hot Yoga. Sound familiar?

Bad news folks. Change of plans here. No hot yoga this month. Sad face: GO!

It's true, I'm sorry to say. Accountabilibuddy and I purchased our yoga passes together and she has run into a bit of scheduling difficulty. I just can't understand why. I mean someone should be able to manage their schedules with perfect efficiency when they have a full time job, two rental properties, an emotionally needy husband, and a house full of kids. Let's not talk about any possibility of a social life or personal interests on top of that lovely list of responsibilities. **Sarcasm in case you couldn't tell**

Being the wonderful Accountabilibuddy that I am, I offered to hold off on doing it myself until she was able to find a way to fit it into the schedule. We're shooting for May instead so I'm sorry but you're just going to have to wait for my fabulous hot yoga adventures until then. I know, I know you were looking forward to it. On the edge of your seats, constantly refreshing my blog page just waiting and watching and hoping that with each refresh, you will be given the key to your own fitness entertainment misadventures of hot yoga. Practice in patience is good for the soul. I suggest you try it now. **Sarcasm again. Seriously you should be getting the hint by now that I can tend to be slighly sarcastic at times.**

Go ahead, you can ask me what I know is just burning a hole in your brain waiting to get out. Go ahead...
hehum...Salina? Yeeeessssss? If you're not doing hot yoga this month because your hot yoga pants are on fire, what are you going to do instead? WONDERFUL QUESTION. Allow me to answer.


Date:     April
Topic:   April Activity
To:       Bloggerville
From:   Salina the big fat liar pants

Announcement to all! The activity for the month of April will be..................................................................... WEIGHT TRAINING! Ta da!

What? No good? Well, let me tell you why and perhaps that will get you a little more interested and excited for this month's activity.

Reason #1 - I have slacked on my own weight training in the past few weeks. I thought it would be good to focus on it again because weight training is a critical element to a complete weight loss and fitness program and I seriously want to make the scale start moving again.

Reason #2 - When I was studying struggling with the ACSM exam prep material, my lovely and wonderful Accountabilibuddy decided to make me a little deal. She said she wanted to motivate me to get through it so the deal she offered was to allow me to "practice" my new skills and knowledge on her for an entire month. Yes, that's right, the deal was that if/when I passed my ACSM exam, she would let me kick her butt all around the weight room. I've tried to get her to join me in the weight room before and she wouldn't for whatever reason. But this was my chance. I passed so I WIN.

So what do you think about that? Makes things a little more interesting I think.

My first weight training intallment for the month will come tomorrow since our first session was actually a little earlier today.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Hot, Hot, Hot, Hot Yoga

Last month was full of ghetto roller skating fun. I love roller skating. It was fabulous. I loved roller derby practice too. I'm convinced that they are my kinda people. Mostly normal looking to the rest of the world but under the covers we're a little wild and sassy. Tattoos and attitude problems on roller skates. Seriously! What's not to love about that. I must confess though that I wasn't able to participate nearly as much as I had hoped when it came to the derby practices. I just wasn't good enough. Not yet anyway. I have a plan though. I'm determined damn it.

To fight off the threat of boredom when it comes to monthly activities, I've decided to switch it up a bit for the month of April. I'm not giving up on the roller derby. Quite the opposite actually. Well, here...look at this.

Oh...I hope you can read that. It's my exercise calendar for April. There are two days each week dedicated to PFM Practice. That means roller skating and roller derby practice. I'm going to get better so I can actually attempt this roller derby thing. It will be mine. Yes. I will conquer.

April's activity was up the air until just a couple days ago. A friend emailed me a killer deal for hot yoga in my neighborhood. Turns out that there is a website and an app for the iPhone that sends you daily deals in your city. It's called LivingSocial I think. Anyway, the deal she sent me was 20 Bikram yoga classes for $20. The only catch is that you have 60 days to use it up once you take your first class. Who cares right? I mean, even if I only went to 2 classes, it already paid for itself. So I got the deal. Yay me! And another friend got the deal. So now, we've got this awesome deal for hot yoga. Hmmm...whatever should my activity be for the month of April? Oh, I know. Hot yoga? Yes please.

I've done Bikram yoga before, and Power too I think. I've only done it a couple times though. My first try ever was in October of last year if I remember correctly. I barely made it 20 minutes before I had to lay down and rest. There I was sweating and judging myself laying on the floor watching all these swan-like stick figures move through the series of 26 poses with ease while fat little ole me was looking for an inhaler and a hand held battery operated fan. You know the ones right? The ones attached to a string so you can wear it around your neck. Ya. I would have loved one of those at that moment.

I did not give up though. Never! I rested for a few minutes then when I felt like I was able to get up and try again, I did. I made it through the entire 90 minute class without fainting or vomitting or falling over and smooshing one of the swan-like stick figures. Death and destruction did not cometh to all the world because I had to lay down and rest either. Just a little sting to the pride, but that was it.

I went back and did it a couple more times and each time, I got better and stronger and was able to last longer. Eventually, I even made it all the way through an entire class. That was a proud day. I remember it fondly. I loved hot yoga. I think maybe 5 or 6 times I've done it in my life so far. I know there is definitely more I can experience and learn and poses that I want to get better at. So, I'm giving it another go. In fact, I have it on my calendar for Mondays and Wednesdays all through April and May. Might as well get all the use out of my killer deal as I can.

Stay tuned for my Hot Yoga adventures. First installation is Monday, April 5th.