I think the scariest thing for me about admitting fear is in the vulnerability that inevitably follows. All of a sudden, I'm exposed. One moment I think I'm perfectly content just being a mysterious figure observing the world from the corner to next moment standing bare butt naked in the middle of a crowded room telling everyone my inner secrets of self doubt and whatever else comes flying from my face.
People are fallible creatures and for some reason, we mistake makers in the world love to see others' mistakes as well. It makes us feel a little better about ourselves maybe. We can ease up on ourselves a little if we see others facing similar struggles. But I have to admit, I've never ever EVER been comfortable with allowing any visibility into what makes me tick as a person if it meant seeing any mess under the surface of the image I want to portray. For me, that mess has all been in the emotional realm. I could care less about people seeing my dishevelled house or dysfunctional relationships. But I have always cared about what I viewed and judged as emotional instability in myself.
There's definitely something liberating about it, being vulnerable that is. At least if I allow myself to be vulnerable to the people in my life, I know that they are around me because they really care and not just because I'm funny and like to have a good time. I don't just give the surface of myself to my friends and my family. I'm either all the way open or all the way closed. Black and white. Right and wrong. On and off. I don't have my own dimmer switch nor do I really see the need for one.
My biggest fear in the world is to find out that I'm not good enough.
What's your biggest fear?