Friday, October 29, 2010

Hot 100 - Week 5/ Fitness Fear Friday

I've discovered something about myself recently that I surprisingly never knew before. Now that I know it though, I can't believe it wasn't blindingly obvious to me before. And as if that's not enough to curl my nose, knowing it could have saved me a few bucks in therapy, a few nasty fights with Mr.SalinaLivingActive, and who knows how many missed opportunities over the years.

My biggest fear in the world is that I won't be good enough.

I just got done reading through my entire 12 week journal from doing my first round of The Artist's Way. The not-good-enough theme screams "LOOK AT ME" through all the seemingly deep issues I was dealing with which now look like nothing more than insignificant symptoms of the obvious.

The curse of the perfectionist strikes again. It's the black and white perception of the world that insists if I can't do something perfectly, don't bother half-assing it. Although I do partially subscribe to this "logic" I fail to see it as true logic without any editing necessary. Yes, I believe it's important to try my best and invest 100% of myself in everything I attempt but that's where it ends. The truth as I see it is that I can control what I do and how I do it but I can't control the outcome. If it's not perfect (by who's standards I don't know), it's not for me to decide or criticize. But if I've put my all into something then there should be nothing to regret or judge for that matter.

Conceptually, I get this and I believe it whole-heartedly but when rubber hits the road, the bitch in my head typically has a hay day. That's why I haven't started the Punk Rope thing yet (but am actively working on and will have more info for you all soon), I haven't touched my guitar in months, I haven't been back to derby practices or on my skates at all, I haven't started writing my book(s), I haven't finished my house so I can put it on the market and move to the city where I belong, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

For me, this fear of not being good enough has stopped me in my tracks and been the cause of much regret and disappointment. But now I know it's there, I hear the bitch in my head and I know she's just ill-informed. Armed with this education, I am now finally willing and able to face each and every point of contention one by one to overcome the lies I've chosen to believe and shut that bitch up once and for all.

What is your biggest fear?

HOT 100

The OG
The Hot 100 Daddy

The Update
  1. I weighed in on Sunday last weekend and it was 161.8. Ewwww. I blame TOM! I'll weigh in again this weekend and see what I see.
    1. Water - getting better but still not 100%
    2. Work out - better but still not 100%
    3. Meal plan - Oh YA! Oh YA! A+++++++
    4. Tracking - Oh YA! Oh YA! A++++++
    5. Sleep - Oh YA! Oh YA! A+++++
    6. Journal - I missed one day.
    7. Food - Oh YA! Oh YA! A+++++
  2. Blogs - Oh YA! Oh YA! Blogger maniac.
  3. Book - Not as much as I had hoped I would work on it but I did work a little tiny bit so that's good.
I'm a work in progress...


  1. Awesome that you recognize your fear so you can get it the hell out of your life! Good for you!!

    Very nice on the goals!!

  2. Definitely doing great on the Hot 100! Keep it up!

  3. Great job on your goals - I agree... my biggest fear... I tell myself that Im not super outgoing because of my weight. I dont have a ton of friends because I dont assert myself because of my weight. In my head life gets better once Im at goal... and what if it doesnt? What if its not my weight but my personality - what if I still feel out of place and sort of outcasty?

    Now Im a smart women - I know weight wont magically fix things and I need to work on things as I get there but its always a fear... what if its me thats not worth of (insert here - weight loss/friends/a good life) and not my weight that has held me back.


  4. YAY! You did great! Oh, and not being good enough is one of my biggest fears too. You are not alone.

  5. Looks like you had a good week:) Now about that perfectionism thing. Yep, me too. Not sure if it causes me to avoid things out of fear; I'll have to think about it. But I have had to learn to let go, that it is okay not to be perfect. One place I struggled with this was even commenting on blogs! I had to tell myself it was okay not to comment on every blog I read every day. Yikes.

  6. Looks like you are doing really well on most of your goals, with only a few that need more work!

  7. I think so many of us go through that "freeze" fear of not being good enough...I had to look at what was enough first.... I have said it a couple of times but I joined the gym with the intent to go swimming on the weekends... THAT was big..not only getting through a fear but that letting go of joining and having to work out... and will I be good enough not to get hurt..
    It's okay, for me, to do something I enjoy too!
    Keep going the way your going!

  8. Great job on your goals. Fears... I think I have too many! It depends on my mood and the day, but I guess fear of failure, which is essentially your fear, it appears!

  9. Looks like you had a great week on your Hot 100 goals!
    And also on identifying your biggest fear, and then working to eliminate it.

    I think my biggest fear changes over time. Currently, it's probably that I might be fooling myself... not seeing the truth, and not even knowing it, so I waste time on this journey... and get side-tracked from the important thing: LIVING.


  10. recognition is good. Now I want to ask, are you going to DO something about it, or TALK about doing something about it? That is the key here.

    Great job on the challenge!

  11. Oh my gosh everyone, thank you for all your comments. Good points, good questions too. I'll answer them all in my next post. 

  12. Great job this week Salina!

    My biggest fear? Failing.


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