Wednesday, October 27, 2010

What if I quit?

I was tossing an idea around recently. I considered calling the blog done and gone for good. One day, I just woke up a week or so ago and realized that I just didn't care about much of anything. Is my house clean? I don't care. Have my dogs been for a walk? I don't care. Am I going to be late to work? I don't care. Did I brush my teeth? I don't care. I thought I wanted to teach Punk Rope? I don't care. Didn't I just decide that I wanted to be a writer? I don't care. Everything just felt meaningless.

The first follow-up idea I had to this line of irrational thinking was PMS. Depression? No. Stress? Perhaps. I have had a lot of interesting things happening in my life lately that could potentially elicit the stress response. Instead of trying to pinpoint the issue though, I just decided to write it off as a slump. Yes, I found myself in a slump. How I got there is another discussion all by itself but I'm very  happy to report that the slump of 2010 is now over and the world can go back to the way it is meant to be. You like how important I am that when I'm in a slump, the world feels the effects? Ya, I didn't think so. *wink*

I had to ask myself all the questions in a situation like this. What if I quit? What if I said goodbye to my blog and the awesome community that I love so much? Would I miss it? Would I regret it? Would I resent it? How would I feel about myself? What would I gain? What would I lose? Is it worth it? What do I really want? Will leaving the blog get me closer to or further away from what I want? What about those of you out there who I don't want to let down? Oh and they just kept on coming. All the questions. Oye!

Of course I had to answer the questions. How else was I to get to the bottom of this mess? I mean really?

I will admit that in the answering phase, I did throw myself a little pity party but, BUT I was absolutely certain to also be the voice of reason because no pity party can go unregulated. That would just be insanity. It's a good thing that Officer Lyn was on duty too because Salina's pity party of one would have spun quickly out of control. It would have been like Eeyore and Taz tag-teaming. Not a pretty sight. Trust me on that.

What I eventually came to was that quitting the blog would just be stupid. I've been doing this self indulgent activity for a year now and although I tried really hard to ignore all the good things I've experienced from it, they're just too many and too good to ignore.
  • I've lost 20 lbs and kept it off.
  • I've successfully become an active person. I went from couch potato to having too many activities and interests to do in the time allotted.
  • I've met a few absolutely fantastic people out there. You know who you are and I thank god for you on a regular basis.
  • I found the Artist's Way which has ridiculously changed my life in all good ways.
  • I'm writing. Um...I'm writing. I never considered myself a writer before, I always thought that I would have to have a book on the shelf at Barnes and Noble before I could claim that title but I was wrong. I AM A WRITER. Book or no book. Paycheck or no paycheck. I write, I love it, it makes me happy. I'm a writer.
  • A little something something of mine will be published soon. Thanks to Jules for daring (believing in) me and to Suzette for giving me the amazing opportunity.
  • I'm finally Auntie Salina to my brother's kids. After 2 years, I finally found my way back into his life so I can be the sister I've not been to him for a decade and the Auntie that his kids need and I need to be.
  • I found and fell in love with racquetball, roller skating and derby, Punk Rope, and Jenny.
  • And I've hopefully done some good too. Leaving comments on blogs out there, I hope I've created a few smiles. And through my posts, I hope I've demonstrated that facing our fears and our inner demons can only bring joy.
Also, I started the blog to chronicle my experience from fat and lazy to healthy and active. I'm no longer fat and lazy but my journey is not yet complete either. I still have another 40lbs to lose and a huge list of activities that have yet to be attempted. If I don't do them, who will? There I go, throwing my importance around again. *You know that's tongue-in-cheek, right?* I still haven't made the Punk Rope thing totally real yet. I still haven't returned to the flat track in roller derby yet either. Jenny has been waiting out the Seattle rain to get back out there and discover the city in her two-wheeled gloriousness. So many things to do...I can't quit now.


  1. Yay glad you didn't quit the blog - for totally selfish reasons since I only recently found your blog and I know I would miss reading your adventures :-)

  2. Oh Girl, you know how I feel about you! YES! you are a writer! and as far as the last one on the list....YES! You have helped me too! Jenny and Jackie will have to meet someday!


  3. I'm glad you're not quitting...and I also just have to say that, yes, anything that has helped you do all of those things is self-indulgent, but you know what?? It's ONLY when we indulge ourselves that we become better people...and when we're better people, we better serve the world. And thus we become a good example...we model self care and so others are compelled to take care of themselves. There is nothing more selfLESS than being a little selfISH. I truly believe that. We all need something that it ours...something that sustains and nourishes us so we can, in turn, give back.

  4. Hey, my fellow Hot 100 hottie, glad you are still here. :-)

  5. what i love about this is how you gave yourself time to work it out. you didn't burn any bridges, you just kind of stopped in the middle of the noise and just...listened. good for you!


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