Yesterday, I finally accomplished a piece of this Punk Rope goal that I've been hiding from for almost a full year. I spoke with a couple Health and Wellness Directors at YMCAs around my area about bringing Punk Rope to their facilities. The response was not as favorable as I hoped. Actually, it was uncomfortably close to realizing my fear of how it would be which is what motivated me to avoid it for as long as I did.
I did it anyway. I made one call, and another, and a few more. I spoke with two individuals and left voice mails for the rest. The experience evoked a thought bubble which appeared over my head that read, "How would I feel if I got all NOs?". It took me a minute to realize that my immediate response to that question wasn't anything like I would have expected it to be. I felt...indifferent. One would think I would be heart broken with how much thought, time, money, effort, and avoidance I've put into preparing and not preparing for Punk Rope to be a part of my life.
The obvious next question appeared in an overlapping thought bubble. "Why? Why would I be indifferent if I got rejected by everyone?" The answer rushed in with a speed not to be ignored, actually, I think the answer presented itself before the question was even complete. The answer was that I would be perfectly satisfied if I never actually teach a Punk Rope class because I have successfully faced my fear of it. I'm no longer afraid of what people will say or do or how they will look at me. I no longer feel a need to prove myself to anyone else because I have somehow managed to accept myself exactly how I am.
Instead of being afraid of being judged by professional trainers and fitness instructors, I was actually afraid of the judgements I was passing on myself.
Instead of being afraid of being judged by my students for being an overweight instructor, I was actually feeling ashamed of my body because of my own judgements about what an instructor SHOULD look like in my twisted mind.
By journaling about the fears and speaking to people about my thoughts and ideas, I came to realize that I am perfectly ok exactly how I am. I don't need to have a perfect body to teach others to be active because I AM LIVING ACTIVE and I AM ACTIVELY LIVING. Who cares if I still have a few too many pounds of fat on my bones. I have prepared enough, I know enough, I am enough to deserve to do whatever I want, Punk Rope included. Coming to that understanding finally allowed me to pick up the phone regardless of what the outcome would be. And coming to that understanding finally allowed me to feel a bit more peace in myself about who I am and who I am still becoming. That is something to be celebrated and appreciated.
What fitness fear have you overcome lately?