The Holiday is OVER! YeeHaw!

Lots happening and not happening. Changes are everywhere. Some successes some not so much. Where to start?

Punk Rope - I decided to let it be. Meaning? I'm not willing to sacrifice everything that I would need to sacrifice to make it as successful as I would like it to be. It's just not that important to me. Yes I enjoy it. Yes I worked very hard to get it. I'm willing to do it but not at the price tag it bears. The good news though is that I conquered the retarded fear and I feel a million times better now that I have.

Belly Dancing - I hated it. I loved it. It was strange and enjoyable, frustrating and liberating. Did I do it the justice I was planning? No. Not even close. Could I? Can I? Yes. Will I? No. There were just too many other things happening to give it my full attention. And, I'm not one to over share my embarrassments like many of the other bloggers out there. So...if you wanted to watch me get all dressed up and wriggle my jiggly bits well then you should have participated and requested it. You didn't..so I won't. Deal with it.

The Artist's Way - I will admit that I'm a little behind. The stupid Christmas bullshit got in the way and instead of just sticking to what worked for me, I freaked out a little and threw my comfortable routine right out the window. That included reading and journaling for a week. So, I'm starting week 7 today. More to come.

Challenges - I did not update the Hot 100 last week and I'm not going to do it now or anymore. I almost made it through the entire thing but I must admit utter failure. I don't have any good excuses nor bad ones now that I think of it. I just failed. I did not meet any of my goals. Not only that but I didn't come close to any of them either. NO weight loss. I gained a couple pounds back actually. No book. Didn't even finish the NaNoWriMo challenge. I didn't blog consistently either and I'm not sad about it.

Blog - You might have noticed that I've been MIA lately. I've had a bad attitude and took time away. Blogging has recently felt like more of an obligation and an empty one at that rather than the motivational tool it once was. The idea has been rolling around in my head to abandon it altogether. If it aint workin'... But instead, I've decided that I will do what I want, when I want, how I want, and you can either read it and like it or go away. This isn't meant to be mean or antagonistic at all. Well, that's not entirely true. It's meant to be antagonistic to me. I fear that I've been writing this blog for the past few months in hopes of getting more attention or more readers or more comments or whatever. I've been doing it for you and somewhere along the line, I lost my own motivation in there. I've removed the fluff so you are no longer going to be asked to vote, there aren't blog awards flashing or links on all sides. I no longer have a goal to blog a certain number of times every week or any other little hooks to try to get your attention or make you happy. Now...it's just me, exposed. Take it or leave it.

Activity - I'm still going to do my monthly activities for the most part. If I find something I like and want to do it longer, I will. If I find something I hate, I'll switch it up. My calendars are still posted and I'll still share my experiences with you. If you're interested, cool...if not, so sorry. Because the voting was tied, I just decided what I wanted to do this month and the winner is....

Now I don't want you getting your little feelers all hurt or anything. I still very much welcome and appreciate all your feedback and advice and questions and criticism. Believe it or not, I read every single one of them and take them to heart. My intention with the shift going into the new year isn't to alienate anyone but rather pull the focus back on to myself because I've been slacking lately and need a tighter leash now. That's all.

I hope you all enjoyed the worst time of the year and are back and ready to kick your goals back into high gear like I am. Failure or not...I'm back baby.

Hot 100 blah blah blah

Last week, I talked about shin splints. Those bitches. I tried taping my legs for Punk Rope to see if it would help and it did not seem to do much good at all. Crap. I'll try again tomorrow and see if we might have just done something wrong. I'm not holding my breath.

I've pretty much lost all interest in this challenge and blogging and most everything so forgive me if I'm just blah today.

1. Weight - no clue. don't care.
1. water - no
2. workout - limited due to shin splint pains shooting through my fucking legs
3. meal plan - no
4. tracking - no
5. sleep - kinda
6. journal - barely
7. food - sometimes
2. blog - no
3. book - no

How you like them apples?

The Artist's Way week 6-7

The Artist's Way Week 6

I only journalled one day last week. ONE! No wonder I'm feeling a little lethargic today. Nevermind that it's 6am on a Monday morning. I'm sure that has nothing to do with it what-so-ever. I thought about journalling all week. I had every intention of journalling all week. I just never picked up my notebook and my pen to make it happen except one lonely time on Wednesday.

Week 6 was about abundance. Personally, I don't really have much trouble with this concept. What I have trouble with is more along the lines of believing that I'm "lucky enough" to be included in the list of people that get to reap the rewards of the abundance concept. Yes, for some strange reason, I tend to see myself as an exception to most universal laws and human conditions. Maybe it's an illogical egotistical thing. I don't know. In order to overcome this twisted thinking, I just practice visualizing my ideas of a perfect world. Pictures of condos in New York, paintings of cottages on the beach, a passport packed full of stamps, maps of the countries I still want to visit, and images of experiences I dream of having appear on my computer desktop and tickle me with anticipation. It's a pleasant reminder that the world is a much larger and flatter place than my day-to-day routine allows me to see. The pictures appear and whisper "don't forget out us" as I'm dealing with family drama, back-to-back meetings, and overflowing inboxes. Truth is, it's not a matter of IF, it's a matter of WHEN I will realize the experiences I dream of.

Week 7 is all about recovering a sense of connection. Connection huh? Rediscovering the airy breath that speaks the language of creative indulgence. I love the mention in this chapter about how Michelangelo said that he simply released David from the marble block he found him in. Have you ever seen the David? Magnificent! I could have sat in that gallery all day long just staring at him. To me, he seems both powerful and timid. He is a strong protector but is not lacking vulnerability. Perfection (even with the oversized hands and slightly disproportioned body)!

Connection seems to be all about how to get out of your own head and allow the creative voice to speak to you. True artists don't create, they allow. Writers don't think, they listen. You've heard of white knuckles or wishful thinking? White knuckling life is all about control. Squeezing the life out of everything because we need complete control. Wishful thinking is the opposing side where we simply throw our hands up and wish and hope for things to work out but typically this is paired with taking absolutely no action toward making our wishes real. In other words, we wish but aren't willing to do the footwork. Connection is about finding the balance between the white knuckles and wishful thinking. Letting go of the control while remaining open and willing to witness what the universe has to present.

This week, I'm going to do my best to let go and let it be what it will. Instead of stressing out about my stupid shin splints and all the what-ifs related to that, I will go with the flow and see where it takes me. Instead of forcing my agenda at work or with family and friends, I will participate and contribute without directing. Perhaps this will be a good week to pick up my guitar and listen to that beautiful voice I've chosen to ignore for a few months. We shall see.

How was your week 6?
What can you let go of this week?

Fitness Fear Friday - Shin Splints & Hot 100

A week or so ago, I went to my gym and was talking to my favorite cutie petutie front desk boy there. He was telling me all about how he has started training to run a full marathon but that he's been having strange pains in his shins. In the past few years, I've had my fair share of shin grief so I told him about my experience doing the breast cancer 3-day walk a couple years ago and all the post event treatment I had to go through to recover from that. He got a congested look on his face and said "oooooo, ouch - did you have to go get shin splints? I think I might need to get some."

So obviously that got my wheels a-spinnin' just a little. Is this the picture he had in his head about shin splints I wonder? Or maybe it was the image of a couple sticks and some duct tape wrapped around his leg?


Leg Splint

Here is the definition according to Wikipedia: Shin splints is a general medical term denoting medial tibial stress syndrome (MTSS), a slow healing and painful condition in the shins, usually caused by exercise such as running, jumping, dancing or other sports. Ten to fifteen percent of running injuries are shin splints.

Shin Splints

What does all this have to do with me right this particular moment? Good question. I've got the damn shin splints again. I'm sure it's because I've been jumping rope a lot more than I really need to in order to teach the Punk Rope class and apparently...I'm fragile or some shit. In all honesty, it's not a surprise that I'm having pains in my shins again. I had problems during the breast cancer walk, I had problems when I started the C25K program earlier this year, I had problems when I took the Punk Rope instructor training. It's just unpleasant and I don't appreciate it much at all, especially when I'm trying to do things here.

My fear for today is that I will have to sacrifice something or multiple somethings in order to do Punk Rope.

• My shins of course
• The other exercise I do because I'll need to spend time every week recovering from the damage I do to my shins every weekend
• Alllll my time
• More of my own money
• My weekend freedom

My other fear is that I will have to sacrifice Punk Rope for those things listed above.

I don't know if this has any validity or not but I found this picture on a medical site that described some treatments for shin splints. Perhaps I'll give it a try and see how it works this weekend for my Punk Rope class. Other than that, anti-inflamatory, ice, and rest are the only other treatments I'm aware of.

Shin Taping

---------------------
HOT 100
---------------------
The OG
The Hot 100 Daddy
The Update

1. Weight - Now this is a strange one right this moment. I don't know what to say other than...huh? I stepped on the scale last Saturday and it said 162.4 which is pretty much what I was expecting. Then, because my normal weigh in day is Sundays, I decided to step on it to confirm what I saw the previous day and I saw 164.2. Very very strange considering that I burned 900 calories on Saturday doing Punk Rope and drank a ton of water and ate perfectly healthful foods. 2 pounds overnight? I don't believe it. So I'm suspending judgement until I step on the scale again this weekend.
1. Water - Not as well as I hoped but I'm determined to do it damn it.
2. Workout - This one sucks butt this week. I haven't been able to exercise at all because I've been limping all week long with shin splints. Anti-inflammatories and ice just aint cutting it yet.
3. Meal plan - Yes!
4. Tracking - Yes
5. Sleep - Yes, for the most part. I had a couple nights of tossing and turning but I'm not depriving myself of sleep so that's good.
6. Journal - Not too much, no.
7. Food - Healthful planned meals every day. Yay!
2. Blog - Yes
3. Book - Nope. Not even trying anymore.

Regardless of what my progress on the Hot 100 goals looks like, I'm feeling pretty damn good. I looked at my goals for 2010 a couple months ago and came to a nasty realization that I hadn't accomplished much this year in terms of being able to definitively cross anything off my list. I did become a certified personal trainer which was a weird thing for me and I did overcome one of my biggest fears this year. I actually did Punk Rope. I'm actually DOING Punk Rope! Just a couple months ago, I had pretty much written it off as a failed attempt and a reason to feel shame so turning it around and making it happen before the end of the year feels like a huge victory.

Victory lap! And the crowd roars with excitement. No? Just in my head? Whatever.


PLEASE

1. Vote for my January activity. Top right side bar, you'll find a poll. Vote vote vote! Pretty please.
2. Check out the Punk Rope Seattle facebook page and share it with all your friends. With a cherry on top.

The Joy of Finger Binging

Today, boys and girls, I'm going to teach you all about, yup you guessed it, finger binging. Finger binging is fun for the whole family. No really, I mean it. Why more people don't learn how to properly finger bing is really a mystery to me. I can't believe it took me this long to discover just how fun and enjoyable it is.

Ah Geez! Get your minds outta the gutter people. I'm talking about playing the finger cymbals for belly dancing.

Recently, I went to dinner at a local Persian restaurant in Seattle where they have a belly dancer perform a couple nights every week. Of course I have to explore the belly dancing culture while I'm desperately trying to immerse myself in the month's activity.

First - The restaurant, Caspian Grill

Fabulous food. Fabulous service. The decor is outdated though, which would be my guess as to why they aren't more popular. Well, that and their location isn't the greatest. They are located in the University district but are a bit removed from all the action of the strip. We got there at about 7:45pm and the belly dancing was scheduled to start at 8pm. We got seated front and center with no problem at all. The dancer came out a little late but it wasn't a big deal.

Dressed in hot pink pants, a jeweled bra, and flowing scarfs she shook and shimmied everything as it should be I suppose. A lovely voluptuous dancer she was and she did a great job of making eye contact with each and every person in the room. I think she was flirting with me. No....that's just her job. I couldn't help but feel that something was missing from her performance though. She had the costume, she had the moves, she had the music, she had the attitude. She was missing the finger binging. No cymbals?

I had no idea how much those little accessories add to the entire belly dancing experience until I thought I was going to watch a whole set without any tiny cymbals crashing together. But not to fret, half way through, out they came. Oh how wonderful! Three cheers for finger bingers! Hurray! Hurray! Hurray!

Then I realized something. I realized that my new little girl crush Fuchsia Foxxx did her entire set at the Pink Door without any finger binging. And there was no mention of finger cymbals in her class either. Uho....have I signed up for a class that doesn't teach the essential piece of the belly dancing puzzle? She's a master of the undulation and the snakey sexiness but what about putting my little musical instruments to good use? No such luck? Alas, I guess I'll need to focus on my own personal finger binging experience in private. Playing with yourself has a time and a place but when it comes to finger binging...I much prefer playmates. Don't you?

I shared a few videos last month but I came across an interesting website that might help with the self study finger bingers out there. The below link goes through different patterns you can practice but there is quite a bit of other information on there for music selections, technique, etc. Check it out if you want.

Zill Patterns

Because some prefer to watch and listen to reading, first play it with no sound. Then try again with the sound on.

Possibilities - Abundance

Bye bye Artist's Way week 5, Hello week 6.

Week 5 was all about recovering a sense of possibility. Basically, daydreaming and thinking about all the lovely things you want in your life. I did all the activities in week 5 very thoroughly my first time through the program so I didn't really uncover much more than what I was already aware of. I did find myself face to face with a question of what to do with this Punk Rope/ LivingActive business situation though. That's kind of a biggie right now.

My first ever Punk Rope Seattle class took place on Saturday, December 4th at the Queen Anne Community Center. I had about 8 people show up to class, thanks in large part to one friend in particular for bringing a group of friends with her. Although the turnout for the first class was not quite what I had pictured in my head, it still went very well I think. I had fun and burned 884 calories in 1 hour. Can't beat that! Fun AND a killer calorie burn. YeeHaw!

December 11th - Class will be themed for a beach vacation. We get to splash around in our imaginary ocean, play some beach volleyball, and jump around with sand in our toes. The perfect playtime for the middle of December in the northwest in my opinion.

December 18th - Punk Rope says HOHOHO. Oh ya! It's a Christmas theme complete with super fun Christmasy drills and relays and games, oh my. Have you ever heard Christmas punk music? Well this is your chance to get a good sample. Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies like you've never heard before.

December 25th - No class. Boo.

January 1st - No class. Boo.

The rest of January is a question mark right this particular moment. Why? Oh I'm so glad you asked. Because the Queen Anne Community Center is not going to be open on Saturdays starting in the new year due to parks and rec department budget cuts. Lame. So....I need to find a new permanent home for Punk Rope. I'm open to ideas. If you have any, friend Punk Rope Seattle on facebook and share your thoughts there or you can email me at salinalyn@gmail.com.

Talk about recovering a sense of possibility! For a full year, I sat, stewing in my negative self doubt when it came to Punk Rope and my ability to be a decent instructor. Last week, I think I more than overcame that fear and self loathing. I held my first class and it was awesome. Fear and self doubt be gone forever.

Artist's Way week 6 is all about recovering a sense of abundance. Abundance? I love that word. More than enough to go around. Gotta love it. Ask and you shall receive. Whatever hang-ups you have about money...you will face them this week.

I know too many people who believe that money is the root of all evil. Actually, I used to be one of them. I spent much of my life afraid that I was a bad person because I wanted to be wealthy.

To want money means you must be selfish and greedy, right? No! FALSE!
To have money means you  must be stuck up and snobby, right? No! Wrong again.

Time to question your honest beliefs about the green stuff and its place in your life. Do you believe that money is bad? If so, why? Where does that belief come from? Are your beliefs serving you well? No? Perhaps it's time to challenge your ideas about money? Perhaps it's time to decide what you really want out of your life and start taking healthy steps toward accomplishing those things one at a time?

One of the first things in this chapter is a nice little warning that you may experience some emotional volatility this week. Speaking from past experience, I would have to agree. Last time through, I had a few outbursts of erratic behavior. Don't say you weren't adequately warned.

Friday Follow-up Fitness Fear and other F words

Question for you! When you think of Living Active, what comes to your mind?

I ask because I've been asking myself that question for a while now and I'm feeling a little schizo these days. When I started this here little blog thing over a year ago, I did so for a few reasons.

1. I wanted multiple streams of accountability for my then new healthy living journey.
2. I wanted to journal in a way that seemed more user friendly to me than hand writing in a notebook every day.
3. I wanted to create and/or just be part of a community of people who all share the same interests in living a healthy and active lifestyle.
4. In soliciting your votes for activities I hoped it would turn into a group participation thing where readers would do the activities with me and we could have an open discussion about what we learn, what we think about different adventures, embarrassing stories, fears, etc.
5. In choosing a different activity every month, I hoped it would keep me from getting bored with the same old tired gym workout. You know the one? A hour on the elliptical followed by alternating weight training days with the occasional swim and sauna thrown in for good measure. That workout is all well and good but for me...it gets boring quick. When I get bored, I move on.

Now, I'm faced with a challenge. A totally new kind of challenge actually. I've been talking about Punk Rope for a year and if you've read anything I've written in the past couple weeks, you've seen those words a few times at least. In preparing to get Punk Rope up and running in Seattle, I started myself a little business so if I do end up making any money from this thing, I'm totally legit. My business is LivingActive LLC. So now...I'm faced with the decision about what I want LivingActive LLC to be. Do I want it to become a real business or do I just want it to be a silent shelter for my Punk Rope activities as more of a hobby? If real business is the way I go, what do I want it to be? What would my  mission statement be? What would my vision be? What if anything should I make it? I don't really want an answer to these questions. I think I just want to put the questions out into the void but I suppose if something comes back to be I'd be okay with that too.



HOT 100 Update #10
The OG
The HOT 100 Daddy

1. Weight - I haven't stepped on the scale in 2 weeks so I don't know exactly what it is right this moment. I have my normal weigh ins on Sunday's so I'll step on it in a couple days to see where I am. I suspect that I may have put 1 lb on in the last couple weeks. My guess is that I'm at 162 right now. I decided to revise this goal a little. Probably a good idea since I haven't lost anything in the past 10 weeks of this challenge. My new goal for weight is to lose 4lbs by January 1st. Assuming that I currently weigh 162, I'm just shooting for 158. I want to break through the 160 mark for good. That's what I really want. So...I'm starting fresh and I'm proud to say that this week has been stellar as far as my actions go.
1. Water - I'm not drinking as much as I want yet but I'm definitely trying and I'm tracking it
2. Workout - Um...YES! Actually, this week I had a huge record breaking workout. I did a practice run through a Punk Rope class with my Accountabilibuddy and Hubby and I seriously burned 895 calories in 60 minutes. Do you have any idea how crazy insane that is? You do now! It's totally crazy insane!
3. Meal Plan - Yup and I'm working on next week's meal plan today too.
4. Tracking - Oh YA! I started a new thing with this too. I've been using a local software program on my personal laptop to count calories and carbs and proteins and fats then I transfer that data into a huge ridiculous spreadsheet I created to track my diet and exercise every week. That process has worked pretty damn well for me so far but I'm finding it a little inconvenient lately because I've been all over the place and not spending too much time in front of my computer at home. So, I installed the SparkPeople app on my iPhone and have been using that. LOVE IT! If you have a SparkPeople account, what you update online will automatically update what you have in your phone and vise versa. So freakin' convenient. I've noticed that the exercise calorie tracker is WAY off of what my HRM says for calorie burn but other than that, it's been great so far.
5. Sleep - Sleep has been choppy this week. Why? I have no idea. Last night I took a Tylenol PM and passed out. It was AWESOME!
6. Journal - Every night before bed.
7. Food - PERFECT! I've stayed right on plan and right on calories all week long and I feel soooo good. Amazing what eating all whole foods all week does for the body!
2. Blog - Well, almost. I didn't do a Monday post but that's because the week kind of started faster than I anticipated. I've been feeling a little chaotic lately with all this Punk Rope, LivingActive LLC stuff I'm doing on top of the belly dancing classes, dog training, friend issues, family issues, holiday crap, blah blah blah.
3. Book - Let's just call this goal done for the year shall we? NaNoWriMo is over now and I never even came close to finishing it. What can I say? I'm easily distracted by shiny objects and Punk Rope and sequins from belly dancing costumes are far more sparkly than the blank page.

THE ARTIST'S WAY
I didn't do my normal Monday morning Artist's Way update this week so I'll just mention it briefly right here and now. Me thinks the Artist's Way is kicking my sorry sappy little ass all over the place this time around. I said in the beginning that I wanted to address the Punk Rope issues this time through. Ask and I shall receive. Nuff said!


OTHER STUFF

• Please show the love and support for Punk Rope Seattle by clicking the Like button on the Facebook link in the right side bar!
• Share Punk Rope Seattle with all your friends whether they are in Seattle or not. Pretty please? I have a little bit of info on the Punk Rope Seattle page as of now and will be adding more and eventually will have http://www.salinalivingactive.com/ up and running with all the info you could ever want. Or you can just go to http://punkrope.com/ for info from the Punk Rope Daddy.
• VOTE VOTE VOTE! January activity options are up and waiting for you to vote just above the Punk Rope Seattle Facebook Like link. Wow...that was a mouthful.

Oh and....I don't want to let you down when I threatened other F words. So....um....let's see...what are some other F words? Funny, flip, filth, fowl, flarn, fluff, foofy (is that a word?)

WTF it's Wednesday?

What would you think if I told you that I've been working on becoming the next big fitness sensation in Seattle?

I apologize for my absence but I have good reasons.

I've been hard at work trying to get Punk Rope off the ground in Seattle. The list of what I've been doing lately is far too long to share right here but it involves all kinds of business stuff and insurance and marketing not to mention all the jumping rope and rockin' out to some kickass tunes all the while. For the time being, I have simply added a page right here on my blog dedicated to Punk Rope Seattle. And if you haven't already seen it, I added a Facebook button on the sidebar for Punk Rope Seattle too. Please check it out and come over to visit me there. Lots of potential crazy Punk Rope happenings coming this month and in 2011. You HAVE to come participate. It's just going to be too much fun to avoid it.

Then there's the issue of BELLY DANCING, right? Of course. Like I would forget about that. I was supposed to have my very first Academy of Burlesque Fuchsia Foxxx belling dance infusion last Tuesday but because Seattle got about 2 inches of snow, everyone freaked out and closed down the city so class was cancelled. Probably a good thing since the location is atop a big hill and Seattle people have enough trouble driving in the rain, let alone slush, ice, and snow.

All that to say that I did attend my first Academy of Burlesque Fuchsia Foxxx belling dance infusion last night. I must admit that it was a glorious experience. I have a tiny girl crush on Fuchsia Foxxx because she's just the cutest little peanut I ever did see but also because she's an awesome dancer and she seems to be a great instructor too.

The class is 1 1/2 hours long which I thought was a little strange compared to all the other classes I was looking at and taking until I actually did it. The first 30 mins were spent warming up and stretching and a thorough job we did indeed. Then she took us through a series of basics. Sexy shoulders. Sexy undulations. Sexy isolations. Sexy snake arms. Sexy shimmies. Sexy rib cage circles. Sexy hip circles. Did I mention it's all sexy? If I were watching the class, I might think it looks like a waste of time and what little bit of energy appears to be getting spent but doing it is much different. True, my heart rate didn't get over 117 beats per minute the entire time but each area of the body we worked felt a little tired by the end of it.

So that was the first part of the class. It was fine,  nothing too surprising. Kinda hohum if I do say so myself. But then came the best part. It's the piece of this particular class that excited me the most aside from Fuchsia Foxxx being the teacher. The Belly Dancing Basics program at Academy of Burlesque is actually a series of 8 classes. Fuchsia Foxxx teaches the students a choreographed belly dancing routine through the entire session. She starts off with basic combinations in the first class then reviews and builds on them in each following class until the last one when we all have the opportunity to perform our group dance in a class recital.

Did I just say dance recital? YES! I haven't done a dance recital since I was in ballet and jazz dance classes as a little little kid. I actually talked to the coordinator person last week because I'm starting classes in the middle of the session and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to catch up. She said I should be totally fine and I was. After we did our basics, Fuchsia and the returning students ran through the choreography so far and I was pretty much able to keep up. But just in case I wasn't, she broke it down for everyone again. We practiced each piece individually then slowly put it together so by the end of the class I was actually able to do it.

I'm on my way to becoming a belly dancing diva for sure. Oh YA!

Miss Indigo Blue's Academy of Burlesque

Punk Rope

Punk Rope Seattle

Punk Rope Seattle Facebook Page

Whatever Wednesday

Yesterday was supposed to be my first Fuchsia Foxxx belly dancing burlesque class but it seems that the world as I know it must come to a sliding stop because we just got a couple inches of snow 2 days ago. Class was cancelled! Cancelled! Damn it. I went downtown with an idea to spend a nice peaceful time at SAM because picasso is in town and can you believe they closed the museum too. Seriously people. I love Seattle and all but we (read to not actually include me) are a bunch of wimps. So my staycation is now just a little less fun and interesting than before. And you know how much I just love being at home in suburban hell anyway. Is it too late to hop on the first flight outta town? I'm guessing yes because I'm sure the airport has been totally stumped as to how they should go about thawing the runways. Ever considered looking at what others do who get enough snow and ice to justify "severe" weather classification? Um... How about oh I don't know... Maybe Iceland or something. Those inbred Icelandic peeps are actually very smart and resourceful when it cones to dealing with frozen everything. Geothermal. Ok so we might not have the geothermal activity here in Seattle but you get the idea. Think outside the tiny chilly box. Sorry for the rambling. Happy turkey day tomorrow.

Reflection

There's just something about watching it snow that allows you to see into your own soul with a clarity and stillness that is unlike any other. As you know, I've been going through The Artist's Way a second time and giving a little update about how it's been going and what issues I've uncovered but mostly I think I've complained about feeling. Feeling lonely. Feeling lost. Feeling dejected. Feeling feeling feeling. I'm typically not one to be all about the feelings nor am I about expressing the feelings to whoever feels like watching and listening to me.

No, the only feeling I've ever been comfortable expressing before is anger. Somewhere through the years, I learned that anger meant power while expressing vulnerability in any way meant weakness. Lets not consider for a moment that anger itself is actually a vulnerability in disguise. It took me many years of reflection in all its forms to learn that basic insight into myself and the common human condition to misunderstand what part anger actually has in our lives.

I love what The Artist's Way says about anger. It says that anger is a guide to tell us where our boundaries lie. It is something to be acknowledged and treated with care and response but not reaction. The difference? A response is calculated whereas a reaction is not. If I find myself feeling angry for whatever reason I am forced to ask why. What has just happened to me to push my boundary whether clearly defined or not? And because anger is actually a secondary emotion, I have to ask myself what fear I'm being faced with. Having that information then allows me to decide the appropriate response to my triggered anger so I don't find myself doing or saying something I don't actually mean (react).

Recently though, it's not anger that I've struggled with. It's the vulnerabilities that contribute to the woman I am. The true person within me and whatever image I portray to those around me. Am I a little wishy washy because I can't seem to settle down on any one hobby? Do I seem a little schizophrenic with my long list of activities? Am I out of balance with overtasking myself then realizing just how many hours there are in the day? Am I really a sensitive whiner on the inside of this hard angry (less so now) shell?

In sitting in my comfy chair with my favorite patchwork quilt made by my mother-in-law, my laptop warming the legs it rests on and watching the snow fall outside it all just seems so clear. Trivial. I've struggled for one full year with feeling not good enough, not worthy enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not popular enough that right now, right this moment as I reflect back on the past 365 days, tears gather in my eyes and stream down my cheeks. I'm crying not out of pain or anger or fear as I may have in earlier days or weeks or months. I cry for pride. I cry for joy. My tears are singing my own praises and the feeling is almost as magical as the first snow fall of the year because I have finally done the one thing that had me frozen in my fear for the whole of 2010.

I faced my fears and I conquered them. I WIN! And it feels so good I don't know how else to express it other than to just allow the tears to fall in celebration of the woman who is emerging from the dust.

Today, I reflect on my year long journey from personal weakness to personal power by sipping my tea and watching the snow flutter to the ground. Now that's living active.

Fitness Fear Friday - So many things, so little time

BELLY DANCING

I'm bored with this place I'm going to. True, it's just the basics but the teacher is a super slow-talker and she slurs a lot. Seriously makes me wonder if there is something not quite right with her. She's really nice and very helpful, don't get me wrong. I just feel numb going into her class and coming out of it. I don't think belly dancing class should have that effect. So, I've decided to call it quits at that school and try my hips at a different one.

Are you ready for this? Oh, I have a really really really good feeling about this new adventure.

Miss Indigo Blue's Academy of Burlesque

Miss Indigo Blue, Head Mistress



Fuchsia Foxxx, Belly Dance


My husband and I had the pleasure of seeing Fuchsia Foxxx in action. We went to a burlesque show at The Pink Door in Seattle and she was one of the performers. Absolutely amazing! We had no idea who was going to be there, nor had we ever heard of her before but let me tell you, she was AWESOME! She does this belly dancing-burlesque fusion kinda thing and it's HOTTIE HOT HOT HOTTTTTT! A few days later, I found myself surfing the net, looking for belly dancing schools in Seattle and stumbled across the Academy of Burlesque. So I checked it out and who did I see on the list of instructors but Fuchsia Foxxx herself in all her HOT pink glory. I had already paid for the other classes though so I felt I should give it an honest try. I tried. I'm done. I'm going with Fuchsia Foxx and the Academy of Burlesque.

She does a 6-8 week session like most of the other schools too and this session has already started but I talked to the school and they said I should be totally fine to just do a drop-in and try it out a couple times. So that's exactly what I'm going to do. My first Fuchsia fusion is this coming Tuesday. Should be interesting.

HOT 100 UPDATE
The OG
The HOT 100 Daddy

1. Last weigh in was 161.8 so still no loss.
1. water - still a struggle but I have not given up
2. workout - this week...not even close. I'm bummed out about it too. :(
3. meal plan - YES
4. track - YES
5. sleep - YES
6. journal - YES
7. food - YES
2. Blog - YES
3. Book - sadly...no. I have vacation this coming week though so I'm planning to catch up. I have faith.

FITNESS FEAR FRIDAY
If you didn't read my Wednesday post, please allow me to announce my HUGE accomplishment again. I have FINALLY conquered my stupid, silly little big fear about Punk Rope.

• I no longer care what people think of my weight as a fitness instructor because Punk Rope is super fun and I know something they don't know. So there!
• I no longer care if people know how much I know and don't know nor do I care if they think I'm doing it all wrong because I know something they don't know. So there!
• I no longer care if I try and fail because I'm doing something that others wouldn't dare to even consider trying themselves. So there!
• I no longer care if people take me seriously because Punk Rope is fun and so am I. So there!
• I no longer believe that I have no right to teach people to exercise. I have all the right in the world because I know stuff that other people don't. So there!

In the past few days I have:

1. Booked a venue for the month of December to start Punk Rope classes. December 4th, 11th, and 18th.
2. I applied for a business license in Seattle.
3. I applied for liability insurance so don't go getting any ideas about suing me.
4. I got the music downloaded for the first class.
5. I contacted a writer lady who offered to send someone to my first class and hopefully get them to write about it in a local Seattle publication.
6. I started creating a flier to hand out this weekend.
7. I put the class curricula together for all three classes. First class is going to be Punk Rope Goes to the Movies. The second class is going to be a little tropical vacation from the freezing temperatures around here. And the third class is going to be in the spirit of the season. Hint? Kids are welcome.




If this is offensive to you....too fucking bad. Suck it up. Christmas exists and it's called "Christmas". If you don't like it, stay home with your 30 cats and tell them all about it because I don't care.


8. I put my list of invitations together so I get to email them all out today as soon as my flier is done.
9. I purchased the http://www.salinalivingactive.com/ domain name. It's still not active yet but it will be shortly and I'll probably be moving my blog over there and I'll post all Seattle Punk Rope classes and events there as well.
10. I have a whole list of people to contact and ideas for marketing Punk Rope properly. The marketing festivities will likely take place tomorrow.

Watch out Seattle, here comes Punk Rope!!!

Flooded with What-Ifs

Today is a momentous day! A huge thing happened! Not just huge but HUGE. NO.....not even that does the trick. 

Oh YA! Oh YA! That's the stuff.

What's the big deal?

Hints...

I took the Punk Rope instructor training on November 1, 2009.
Then I got my personal trainer certification from the ACSM on March 19, 2010.

Since then...I've done nothing with either accomplishment. Instead, I distracted myself with all the other fun things I did this year all the while feeling disappointed and a little shame for not following through with the original goal. I invested so much time and money and anxiety into the process, it just felt disgraceful to let it go unfinished.

So I finally decided to do something about it. Yesterday! Today! And every Saturday at noon starting in December!

What: Seattle, Meet Punk Rope
When: Noon on Saturday, December 4th, 11th, and 18th
Where: The Queen Anne Community Center 
1901 1st Avenue West, Seattle, WA 98119, (206) 386-4240

If you're in Seattle or know of people in Seattle who would love to come and have a super fun workout, please send them my way (salinalyn@gmail.com). The first class is free to all!

Punk Rope  


I'm so excited (I could jump for joy) and ridiculously proud of myself for finally making good with this personal challenge. Where I stand today, I can't even imagine how I could be happy with myself had I not taken the steps to walk through all the silly and unfounded fears around Punk Rope.

What if you walked through your fears and found yourself waiting on the other side?

In other semi-related news - I am now the proud new owner of the salinalivingactive.com domain name. I don't have any hosting or website ready to go yet but hope to have it up and functional very shortly. Stay tuned...

The Artist's Way Continues

For whatever reason, last week was a rough week for me, emotionally speaking. There isn't much actually happening to warrant the emotional response I was experiencing. I can't even blame the little visitor for my erratic outbursts. Although it's still a bit of a mystery to me, I have ideas about the cause and the treatment.

Week 2 of The Artist's Way was all about recovering a sense of identity. The first two words of the chapter are "GOING SANE" just to give you an idea of what I'm dealing with here if you aren't also reading the book. It talks about "poisonous playmates" and "crazymakers" who are all essentially people who sabotage our efforts at recovering our creativity. Then the other saboteur is me. We all sabotage ourselves through our skepticism and self-doubt.

All last week, I found myself thinking and writing about everyone that sucks me dry. In doing so, I felt empty, lonely, sad, lost, and confused. Perhaps the process allowed me to evaluate my relationships to see which ones are healthy and which aren't. As well-intentioned as that is, I think it also forced me to evaluate my relationship with myself and I wasn't happy with what I discovered: A list of goals and ideas and promises that have not been honored, criticism oozing from every pore.

There is a paragraph in the chapter that reads as follows: success or failure, the truth of a life really has little to do with its quality. The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention. When I read those words, I realized that somewhere along the way, I stopped paying attention. This time last year, I found myself gazing out my office window at the trees painted with vibrant colors and appreciating the beauty of the season. This year, all I've focused on is how I feel, what I get, why I'm being ignored, how I've been wronged, etc. Instead of just taking a moment to appreciate my surroundings, I'm all about me. No wonder I've been struggling. No wonder I feel so alone. I haven't been here for me.

I was talking to hubby the other day about the art of paying attention and it reminded me of an experience I had recently. A few weeks ago, I was feeling stressed out and overwhelmed (big surprise) so I decided to just take a quiet bath. I put lavender smellies in it and dimmed the lights and everything. A tranquil place to just breathe. I was lying in the tub, belly down, resting on my elbows with my knees bent and my feet playfully sticking out. My gaze fixed on the surface of the purple bath water, I was gently blowing toward the bottom of the tub so the air was making tiny ripples. One breath then I would allow the water to settle before I repeated the process. In doing this, I noticed something. I could see my reflection perfectly while the water was still. Once I forced the ripples with a gentle wind, the image of me was blurred beyond recognition. To see myself clearly, be still.

Sunday, I sat in my jammies all day long. I made breakfast for hubby, sipped on espresso, then spent most of the day putting a puzzle together. I took a break to make lunch then another one to make some banana bread but I allowed myself one full day to do nothing but just be. Putting a puzzle together is like a moving meditation. Those who like to knit or crochette or do origami or wood working know what I'm talking about. It's a stillness in your mind and in your soul while engaging your senses in a simple monotonous task that allows freedom to sing in your heart.

Week 3 is all about recovering a sense of power. The beginning of the chapter warns of possible erratic behavior again. Bursts of anger and joy and grief. OH MY! Just what I need. It introduces the concept of synchronicity or if you prefer as I do, serendipity. Happy accidents. Shame is another topic this week.

How was your week 2?
How did you do with going sane?
What do you do to pay attention?

Hot 100 - Week 7/ Feeling

Lonely

Confused

Unsure

Irritated

Lost

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HOT 100


The OG

The Hot 100 Daddy

The Update

1. I haven't weighed in so I don't know. I feel huge.
1. Water - almost
2. Work out - yes
3. Meal plan - yes
4. Tracking - no
5. Sleep - yes
6. Journal - yes
7. Food - yes
2. Blogs - no
3. Book - I started off really good but haven't written much at all this week. I'm just a little behind in the NaNoWriMo thing.

The Artist's Way

Review Week 1
Did you finish chapter 1?
Did you do your morning pages every day?
Did you go on an artist date?
Did you do the time travel tasks?
Did you write the letter to the editor?
Did you write about your imaginary lives?
Did you discover your blurts? Turn them into affirmations?

I've managed to get myself into a good routine of journaling every day but I do it in the evening. I find that it helps me dump the stress of the day so I can sleep better. Plus, I'm not a morning person at all. Asking me to wake up 30 minutes earlier is just unrealistic as I get up at 4:45am as it is.

I did not go on an artist date per say, but I did take good care of my inner artist so I suppose I can call it the same thing. I woke on Saturday morning, made breakfast with hubby, grabbed my espresso and plopped myself in front of my computer where I stayed for four hours. During that time, I wrote and I wrote and I wrote some more. 5,000 words came flowing through my fingertips. It was probably the most enjoyable Saturday morning I remember having in a very long time. Who knew that spending four hours writing would bring me so much joy?

I did not do all the tasks for the week either. No time travel tasks, no imaginary lives, no brisk walk. But I did discover the blurts and turn them into affirmations. It feels like a slow start to the Artist's Way for me. I wrote like a crazy person and as I think back through the week, nothing really stood out to me as an aha moment or anything. I'm really just working on going with the flow of whatever happens and reserving my judgement until later. Not an easy challenge for me but I think it'll be worth the effort.

Looking at Week 2
Week 2 is all about recovering a sense of identity. I like the first words in the chapter, "Going Sane". Going sane talks about discovering the self-doubt and all the sabotaging crap we say to ourselves. I caught myself doing that last night as I wrote my pages. I wrote 5,000 words on Saturday because I allowed myself to get behind by 3 days in the NaNoWriMo stuff and needed to catch up. Then after getting caught up, I told myself that I wouldn't fall behind again. Yesterday, I didn't write so immediately after making the promise, I failed. With an eye-roll and a swift judgement, I emotionally slapped myself in my pages. Although slightly understandable, that's not what I need. Focusing on the negative will only bring me more of the same. No bueno.

Crazymakers and skeptics. Do you have those people in your life? I know a couple crazymakers still but they are mostly removed from my daily life so their crazy doesn't affect me much anymore. The people who I surround myself with now are very supportive of my efforts, no matter what they are.

Week 2 was where my world flipped upside down my first time through the Artist's Way. Strangely enough, I'm a little afraid of what else will happen this week in my life. Only one way to find out.

Fitness Fear Friday - Questions

For those of you out there who have things you want to do or unfulfilled dreams keeping you awake at night, yes you, the ones who want to try something new but are too afraid to act...I have some questions for you.

If you could do anything without fear or obstacles (time, money, sitters, talent, etc.) in your way, what would you do?

What's the payoff for continuing to allow your fear or obstacles to determine your actions?

What do you gain by staying in your comfort zone?

What are you missing out on by staying in your comfort zone?

What's the worst that could happen if you chose to just act on what you want?

Is the worst possible scenario bad enough to logically justify selling yourself short?

What's the worst that could happen if you chose to just ignore the little voice in your head that says "but I really want to _________"?

Is it really worth it to you?

If your best friend or child came to you with the same answers you just gave to the questions above, how would you advise them?

What did you do yesterday that made you glow with pride?

What can you do today to give those embers a little oxygen?


Acknowledging and facing our fears is one of those things that is really easy to ignore. It's simple to pretend we are perfectly satisfied with our normal daily routine and we never want or dream of more for ourselves even if more just means taking a class for fun. We don't miss what we never had right? Maybe that's true but is it good enough for you? I've already decided that it's no where near good enough for me. I've been working through my fears one by one for the past few months and I know a couple of you out there have started doing some of that for yourselves as well. Brava! I want more. I want more for you. You've been here to cheer me on and give me a little push when I just wasn't feeling it. I want to return the favor and be here for you. All of you.

Answer the questions above if you feel so inclined.
Comment to let me know what your fear is and what you're going to do to challenge yourself and I'll follow you and do what I can to give you the "atta girl/boy" you need.

If you just don't wanna, fine...be that way. I'm still going to be working through my fears right here for all to see.

Happy Friday

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HOT 100 Update

The OG
The Hot 100 Daddy

The Update

1.  I weighed in on Sunday last week at 160.4, down 1.4lbs from 161.8 the week before. Still not below the 160 mark but at least the TOM gain is gone now.
1. Water - Still a struggle. I'm working on it though.
2. Work out - 4 days so I'm very very close to getting there. Next week will be spot on, I'm determined.
3. Meal plan - Technically I did not meal plan but it's because I had a ton of left overs from last week that I've been finishing.
4. Tracking - I haven't tracked for the past 2 days but plan to update everything today so I'm going with a YES. :)
5. Sleep - YES.
6. Journal - YES.
7. Food - YES. Well, slight side note here...I had some Halloween candy which was not part of the plan but that was the only slip. The rest of the week was fabulous.
2. Blogs - YES.
3. Book - YES. NANOWRIMO baby! Come look me up if you're signed up too. SalinaLyn in Seattle, WA.

What if I was a Belly Dancing Mama

There I was (original right?) parked on the street and walking toward the community center in the Beacon Hill neighborhood of Seattle. Do you all know about the Beacon Hill neighborhood? My guess is that your answer would probably be NO for the most part. Beacon Hill is actually a lot nicer today than it was five or ten years ago when it was ghetto central. It's probably not the safest neighborhood as it has been known for gang activity. There are a few other areas that I would personally classify as more seedy but it ranks among the top five in my book.

Strange little fact about me? I love raw city life. My favorite. I lived on Capitol Hill for a few years and loved every second of it. I had a studio apartment on the top floor of an old 4-story walk-up right on Broadway. $525/mo for 525 square feet. That was back in 1999 or close to it. I lived there when the neighborhood was being terrorized by a serial rapist. Did I mention that I worked just a half mile down the road and walked to and from work every day? I walked everywhere. Loved it. Yes, even the homeless people who slept in the dumpster behind my building. There was one drunk homeless dude who would get totally pissed and walk in the middle of the street during the night and yell at the top of his lungs "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!". *make sure you read that with a very drunk slur so you get the right effect*. One night after he had done this a few times right under my window, my boyfriend at the time (who is now my hubby) leaned out and yelled back "Hey! Can you go not give a fuck somewhere else?". How can you not LOVE raw city life? I mean really!

I entered the community center and made my way up the old linoleum stairwell to the top floor where the hallway was plastered with art, clothes, food, collages. It looked like they were having an art fair or cultural celebration or something. I didn't take time to appreciate all that was on display though because I was on a mission and needed to make sure I found my destination without fail this time around. It was a matter of moral importance and I could not be distracted by bright colors and pretty pictures.

I found the room all the way at the end of the long corridor. As I walked in, just past the sign gently requesting shoe removal, there was a clothing rack loosely filled with hip scarves, skirts, pants, and a lone black jeweled bra for sale. Belly dancing swag. Sweet! Focus, do not get distracted by the pretty sparkly things. At the end of the clothing rack was a small table where I was greeted by a rather large woman in purple flowing fabric and a lacy lavender bra. "Hello" she said, "I know I've completely forgotten your name". I replied with a puzzled eyebrow lift and said something about how that's interesting because I've never been there before. She smiled, as did I.

After I got all signed in, removed my shoes and placed them in my very own personal cubby along the wall, I made my way right back to the pretty sparkly things. I found the perfect belly dancing outfit for me. Too bad it would have cost me $125 for a bra, $59 for a mesh skirt, $39 for a hip scarf, and $29 for the zills. Ya...um...a little more than I'd like to spend on a slutty outfit to dance a dance I don't even know how to do yet, not to mention that I am um...a little shy about wiggling my jiggly bits while exposing as much skin as possible to anyone.

One of my goals for these belly dancing adventures is to become a little more comfortable with my jiggly bits while simultaneously reducing the density of said parts.

After meeting and chatting with a few of the women in the class and the instructor, I realized that I was walking into the second class of the repeating 6-week series. I had no idea it was a series there too. Their website should really explain their programs a little better because I wasn't sure that I was even showing up to the right beginner's class. The title of the class was Belly Dancing Phase 1. Then they had a Belly Dancing Beginner's Fitness and a Belly Dancing Beginner's 2 as well. Luckily, I chose right and was in the beginner's class for dummies. Katrina (the instructor) informed me that they did an overview of belly dancing basics in the first class last week and she would start breaking them down as we move forward so I should be good to start now. Phew!

The class began with a ridiculous amount of stretching. I'm all for stretching and getting the body warmed up but 15mins of it for a class that doesn't require much of the body in the first place just seems like overkill. It's not like we were doing gymnastics or anything. Just a little wiggle and a bit'o jiggle. But whatever. She started walking us through a little warm up with the arms and pretty wrist and hand stuff then we moved on to learn "the wave" which is technically called undulations in belly dance terms, the Egyptian walk, and then we played with the zills a bit before doing a cool down and calling it quits for the day.

Here are a few videos for you to watch and learn or just be entertained.

Pretty Wrist Stuff




Undulations or "The Wave"



The Egyptian Walk alla Sahira


Fun with Zills



There you have it! My first belly dancing class EVER. And what do I have to show for it?

MY VERY OWN FINGER CYMBALS!

I think I'll leave you with that for now. Stay tuned though because I'm a belly dancing mama for the rest of the year and I have a plan. Oh YA! A plan. I have some fun stuff coming for this belly dancing extravaganza.

Skin Deep Dance Studio

And I may or may not be willing to get all dressed up and do a little dance for you all as a year end present from me to you. Of course, you'll have to convince me though because...as you know...I'm a little shy with the jiggly bits. The best way to convince me? COMMENTS. Lots of comments. I'm gonna need some serious convincing.

What if I got all dressed up at the end of the year and did a little dance for you?

On the Horizon

First order of business this fine rainy Seattle morning is to answer a question I got on my last post.

Recognition is good. Now I want to ask, are you going to DO something about it, or TALK about doing something about it? That is the key here.

The answer? I AM doing lots of somethings about it. Oh I love that answer. The answer alone brings me joy.

• I started the Artist's Way process over from the beginning and going through it a second time. That's just how powerful it was for me the first time. I want to do it again because it really opened my eyes to the fears and self-doubts I've carried around with me.
• I journal every single day without fail. Journaling is like a moving meditation for me. My brain is always going going going, sometimes spinning off into oblivion so putting my random thoughts on the page really allows me to see the underlying themes in my head and address what I want to fix and work on while also adequately acknowledging and celebrating the great successes I have.
• I was terrified for the longest time about Punk Rope and the judgements in my head surrounding the entire thing. It kept me frozen for almost a year. Today is the 1 year mark from when I originally took the instructor training. I wasn't frozen the entire time though. Don't forget about the months of studying to get my Personal Trainer Certification through the ACSM. Don't forget all the emails I've sent out, the phone calls I've made, the research I've done to try to set it up. The freeze came when it was time to actually DO the damn thing. I'm no longer frozen though. I'm actively pursuing it. I've offered to do it on a volunteer basis with a couple organizations recently and am just waiting for a response. I'm following up on the phone calls I've had and emails I've exchanged as well. And I'm looking in to getting my own trainer insurance so I can just rent out a community center and put the damn class on myself. One way or another, PUNK ROPE will happen in my life. I guarantee it.
• I signed up for NANOWRIMO. Don't know what that is? Get learned. If you're also signed up for it, please look me up. SalinaLyn in the Seattle, WA region. 50,000 words by November 30th. I'm in.
• Yesterday, I looked at apartments and condos in the city. Check me out, I'm already planning my move and my house isn't going up for sale until after the new year. Oh YA!
• I put my skates in my car so I can drop by the rink whenever I feel like getting back up and rolling again. I also have all the open skate times on my calendar on my phone so no matter what day it is, or what time of day, I know if/when/where I can go skating. I was in a hurry to make derby a reality but I'm no longer in a hurry. I just want to have fun with it for now. Casually get better while I'm facing all these other fears and crossing things off my to-do list. Then, I'll dedicate some serious time and attention to derby again.
• The guitar is still the only thing I haven't actively pursued. It's still sitting in it's case in my music room. I go in there every day. I pass by it every day. I look at it every day. I cut my fingernails short anticipating that I will pick it up. I just haven't PICKED it up yet.

I don't know how much more I can DO all at once about everything but I think I'm DOING pretty damn good if I do say so myself. There's definitely more to come from me. Thanks so much for the question Shane, love it.

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Next order of business is The Artist's Way.

Did you get the book?
Did you read the introduction, the basic principles, and the first week?
Did you do your morning pages?

I wasn't going to read the basic principles again but now I'm glad I did. What stuck out most to me was the What to Expect section on page 5,6. I experienced all of it. Everything she warns will happen, happened to me. I was honestly feeling a bit manic after a while, thinking I've lost my damn mind but having made it through the entire 12 weeks, I wouldn't change it for the world. Stick with it and we'll grow together.

Week 1 is all about Recovering a Sense of Safety. We get to discover and nurture our artist child within. I know it might sound totally cheesy but I really do enjoy this perception. Looking at the little Salina inside me that dreamed of being a big time journalist or novelist when I was growing up, I realize that she is still in there. Bright eyes, open heart, thirsty for knowledge little Salina sees a world of unlimited possibilities. My favorite place is on the beach where nothing obstructs my view of the horizon which speaks to me. It sings to my soul a song of hope and opportunity abound. The sound of the sea breeze whistling, the sand dancing across the surface, it's pure beauty. PEACE!

What spark did the reading excite in you?
What are you looking forward to in Week 1?

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Finally, It's November. Normally, that would mean it's time for a new activity but I decided that belly dancing didn't get it's due time in the spotlight so I'm going to dedicate the rest of the year just to belly dancing. Here's the schedule.

Notice belly dancing on Tuesdays and Saturdays and skating on Sundays.

Who's Actively Living? Who's Living Active?
Oooo-Oooo-Oooo I know, I know. ME!

Hot 100 - Week 5/ Fitness Fear Friday

I've discovered something about myself recently that I surprisingly never knew before. Now that I know it though, I can't believe it wasn't blindingly obvious to me before. And as if that's not enough to curl my nose, knowing it could have saved me a few bucks in therapy, a few nasty fights with Mr.SalinaLivingActive, and who knows how many missed opportunities over the years.

My biggest fear in the world is that I won't be good enough.

I just got done reading through my entire 12 week journal from doing my first round of The Artist's Way. The not-good-enough theme screams "LOOK AT ME" through all the seemingly deep issues I was dealing with which now look like nothing more than insignificant symptoms of the obvious.

The curse of the perfectionist strikes again. It's the black and white perception of the world that insists if I can't do something perfectly, don't bother half-assing it. Although I do partially subscribe to this "logic" I fail to see it as true logic without any editing necessary. Yes, I believe it's important to try my best and invest 100% of myself in everything I attempt but that's where it ends. The truth as I see it is that I can control what I do and how I do it but I can't control the outcome. If it's not perfect (by who's standards I don't know), it's not for me to decide or criticize. But if I've put my all into something then there should be nothing to regret or judge for that matter.

Conceptually, I get this and I believe it whole-heartedly but when rubber hits the road, the bitch in my head typically has a hay day. That's why I haven't started the Punk Rope thing yet (but am actively working on and will have more info for you all soon), I haven't touched my guitar in months, I haven't been back to derby practices or on my skates at all, I haven't started writing my book(s), I haven't finished my house so I can put it on the market and move to the city where I belong, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

For me, this fear of not being good enough has stopped me in my tracks and been the cause of much regret and disappointment. But now I know it's there, I hear the bitch in my head and I know she's just ill-informed. Armed with this education, I am now finally willing and able to face each and every point of contention one by one to overcome the lies I've chosen to believe and shut that bitch up once and for all.

What is your biggest fear?

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HOT 100

The OG
The Hot 100 Daddy

The Update

1. I weighed in on Sunday last weekend and it was 161.8. Ewwww. I blame TOM! I'll weigh in again this weekend and see what I see.
1. Water - getting better but still not 100%
2. Work out - better but still not 100%
3. Meal plan - Oh YA! Oh YA! A+++++++
4. Tracking - Oh YA! Oh YA! A++++++
5. Sleep - Oh YA! Oh YA! A+++++
6. Journal - I missed one day.
7. Food - Oh YA! Oh YA! A+++++
2. Blogs - Oh YA! Oh YA! Blogger maniac.
3. Book - Not as much as I had hoped I would work on it but I did work a little tiny bit so that's good.

I'm a work in progress...

What if I quit?

I was tossing an idea around recently. I considered calling the blog done and gone for good. One day, I just woke up a week or so ago and realized that I just didn't care about much of anything. Is my house clean? I don't care. Have my dogs been for a walk? I don't care. Am I going to be late to work? I don't care. Did I brush my teeth? I don't care. I thought I wanted to teach Punk Rope? I don't care. Didn't I just decide that I wanted to be a writer? I don't care. Everything just felt meaningless.

The first follow-up idea I had to this line of irrational thinking was PMS. Depression? No. Stress? Perhaps. I have had a lot of interesting things happening in my life lately that could potentially elicit the stress response. Instead of trying to pinpoint the issue though, I just decided to write it off as a slump. Yes, I found myself in a slump. How I got there is another discussion all by itself but I'm very  happy to report that the slump of 2010 is now over and the world can go back to the way it is meant to be. You like how important I am that when I'm in a slump, the world feels the effects? Ya, I didn't think so. *wink*

I had to ask myself all the questions in a situation like this. What if I quit? What if I said goodbye to my blog and the awesome community that I love so much? Would I miss it? Would I regret it? Would I resent it? How would I feel about myself? What would I gain? What would I lose? Is it worth it? What do I really want? Will leaving the blog get me closer to or further away from what I want? What about those of you out there who I don't want to let down? Oh and they just kept on coming. All the questions. Oye!

Of course I had to answer the questions. How else was I to get to the bottom of this mess? I mean really?

I will admit that in the answering phase, I did throw myself a little pity party but, BUT I was absolutely certain to also be the voice of reason because no pity party can go unregulated. That would just be insanity. It's a good thing that Officer Lyn was on duty too because Salina's pity party of one would have spun quickly out of control. It would have been like Eeyore and Taz tag-teaming. Not a pretty sight. Trust me on that.

What I eventually came to was that quitting the blog would just be stupid. I've been doing this self indulgent activity for a year now and although I tried really hard to ignore all the good things I've experienced from it, they're just too many and too good to ignore.

• I've lost 20 lbs and kept it off.
• I've successfully become an active person. I went from couch potato to having too many activities and interests to do in the time allotted.
• I've met a few absolutely fantastic people out there. You know who you are and I thank god for you on a regular basis.
• I found the Artist's Way which has ridiculously changed my life in all good ways.
• I'm writing. Um...I'm writing. I never considered myself a writer before, I always thought that I would have to have a book on the shelf at Barnes and Noble before I could claim that title but I was wrong. I AM A WRITER. Book or no book. Paycheck or no paycheck. I write, I love it, it makes me happy. I'm a writer.
• A little something something of mine will be published soon. Thanks to Jules for daring (believing in) me and to Suzette for giving me the amazing opportunity.
• I'm finally Auntie Salina to my brother's kids. After 2 years, I finally found my way back into his life so I can be the sister I've not been to him for a decade and the Auntie that his kids need and I need to be.
• I found and fell in love with racquetball, roller skating and derby, Punk Rope, and Jenny.
• And I've hopefully done some good too. Leaving comments on blogs out there, I hope I've created a few smiles. And through my posts, I hope I've demonstrated that facing our fears and our inner demons can only bring joy.

Also, I started the blog to chronicle my experience from fat and lazy to healthy and active. I'm no longer fat and lazy but my journey is not yet complete either. I still have another 40lbs to lose and a huge list of activities that have yet to be attempted. If I don't do them, who will? There I go, throwing my importance around again. *You know that's tongue-in-cheek, right?* I still haven't made the Punk Rope thing totally real yet. I still haven't returned to the flat track in roller derby yet either. Jenny has been waiting out the Seattle rain to get back out there and discover the city in her two-wheeled gloriousness. So many things to do...I can't quit now.