Tuesday, July 27, 2010

My Everything Hurts

So there I was, minding my own business. I had decided to attend a Punk Rope instructor training workshop because I was curious about Punk Rope. I first learned about this exciting new class from reading BitchCakes blog a while ago. Then after a couple email exchanges with the Punk Rope guru, I signed up for the workshop. No biggie. There was one woman in the class that I found rather interesting. She was talking about roller derby. So I said to her, "you're into roller derby?". Her response was in the affirmative. We started chatting about it a bit and next thing you know, we're exchanging numbers and making plans to get together to talk about bringing Punk Rope to Seattle, enlisting the local roller girls for support of course.

After attending my first roller derby bout, I was hooked. I knew right then and there that I needed to learn how to skate so I could do what those psycho bitches were doing. Loved it! So I bought myself some skates and pads and mouth guard and a helmet and headed straight for the skating rink to practice. The girl who owned the shop where I bought my crap told me about a roller derby practice league too. She called it PFM, aka Potential Fresh Meat. She suggested that I check it out if I really wanted to learn.

I went to my first PFM practice and quickly learned that I needed quite a bit more practice than I had in order to hang with those girls. I was watching them in amazement while listening to my inner bitch tell me that there was no way in hell I could do what they were doing. So I decided that I would just practice on my own for a while to get comfortable on my skates. I needed to be able to do the basics at least. You know, t-stops, crossovers, etc.

As much as I've been practicing for the past couple months, I just feel like I need something more. Like something is missing in my practices. The damn crossovers seem to be the bane of my existence lately. So, I learned that the Rat City league was going to be putting on a roller derby boot camp. Six weeks of roller derby training. Three days a week through the end of August. I signed up the moment registration opened.

Then I learned that open tryouts are going to be happening in September. Perfect! Well, at least I hope. My goal is not only to become a pro skater by the time boot camp is over but to try out for the league and actually make a team before the year is over. Lofty goal, I know, but aren't all my goals a stretch?

So, I attended my first ever roller derby boot camp practice just a couple days ago. I thought nothing of it. Well, let me clarify. I thought I would be able to deal with the endurance and physical requirements of a 2 hour practice with no problem because I work out all the time and have been for a while now. I thought I was in good shape even though the actually skating drills and stuff would be challenging. What I found out was that I was wrong. Dead wrong! I mean, I did all the drills and push-ups and squats and shit but now, the day after, it hurts. It all hurts. My arms hurt. My butt hurts where I fell on it a few times. My thighs are burning and screaming in pain. I had grand plans to practice during the couple off days between meetings but I can't even lift my arms.

How am I suppose to skate when I can't even put on my own underwear?


I wrote the above blurb last week with the intention to post it right away. But then something happened. Something being that the reference to my inability to lift my arms turned into an extended problem. I thought it was just muscle soreness. I'm active, right? I swim, I hike, I skate, I play racquetball and tennis, I lift weights. I'm use to pushing my body and feeling the burn afterwards. Practice was on Monday night. Tuesday was very sore. Wednesday was worse. Thursday was agony. And to make it even better, Thursday was the next skate practice. I was watching the clock all day hoping that my arm would magically feel better so I could go participate in the practice. Um...nope! Didn't happen.

Instead, I headed to the doctor, which is a really a big thing for me after all. I don't do doctors. But I felt that I had no other choice because boot camp was far more important to me than indulging my false sense of medical expertise and physical superiority. So I went. Doc said that he thought I might have torn something in my shoulder girdle. I was all inflamed and all the muscles in and around my shoulder were tight as a rock.

Prescription: X-ray, Cortisone, Prednisone, Vicodin, Physical Therapy

I took the Prednisone but rejected the rest. Instead, I went to get acupuncture. I prefer natural if at all possible and I hate taking any meds of any kind so even taking the pred was a stretch for me. But the side effects suck. Disturbed sleep, dry mouth, stomach problems, and an overwhelming desire to drink water from a fire hose. Seriously, I can't get enough water lately. I suppose that's a good side effect actually.

With all this shoulder crap, I realized that I was going to have to stay off my skates for a couple weeks because I can't move my left arm...at all. And because doc said so. And so did the acupuncturist. Damn people! Don't they know I JUST set a new awesome goal for myself and they are directly interfering with it. So I talked to my derby camp peeps and told them the stupid situation. Because camp is only 6 weeks long and I have to stay off my skates for at least 2 weeks, it's pretty stupid to stick around for it. It's progressive and I'm already on the lower performer end of the spectrum. The likelihood of me catching up with no practice is slim to impossible. I have to miss at least a 1/3 of the entire thing!

The very sad and disturbing news is that I had to drop out. Usually, I'm all about the sarcasm but this seriously breaks my heart. I was in tears. Even now, days later, I'm still very upset about it. I waited for this camp for months. I planned ahead. I had reminders in my calendar to be the first one to sign up for it and pay for it and show up when it arrived. I bought 2 team tank tops and new knee-high socks to match my team colors. Then when it got here, I was giddy like a little girl on Christmas morning that just asked Santa for a fluffy white kitty cat. Instead of seeing that kitty cat under the tree with a shiny red bow around it's neck, my big present was a new pair of pink jammies with matching bunny slippers. So disappointing.