Saturday, December 31, 2011
I Wanna - Part 2
I Wanna...Relax. Chill out. Be more easy going, less stressed out. LESS STRESS! Stress has probably been my biggest problem throughout my life. I've been stressed out since I can remember. I was 7 years old when I first remember feeling stressed out and it's been pretty constant since then. For the past few months, I've been focusing all of my attention on stress management. I even have a little biofeedback device to tell me when I'm in a relaxed state because I can't even recognize it on my own. I read, I write, I play my guitar, I sleep, I exercise, I have bubble Fridays, I learned to knit. I want to learn to walk slower, and in the rain. I want to play more. I want to day dream more. I'm learning and will continue throughout the rest of the year and probably the rest of my life.
I Wanna...Write. Well, blogging will take care of some of that. But I want more than that. Some of the happiest days I had last year were spent writing essays for a book that is being written my Suzette Standring. The great and ominous "They" say that if you want to know what you're meant to do with your life, you should ask yourself what you choose to do when you have no other obligations. Or you can ask yourself what you think about when you're brushing your teeth. For me, it's writing. I read books or journal when I have nothing else going on. And when I'm brushing my teeth, I'm running through all the ideas I have for things I could write. But do I write? No. Why? Because I'm an emotional basket case who has tortured myself into paralysis from doing what I love to do. I did the same thing with playing my guitar. Well I'm done. Done allowing that bitch in my head to steal my joy.
I Wanna...Speak French. Hubby and I took French classes all through 2011 to prepare for our big vacation to/around France. We studied and studied and practiced and got all ready. We went to France and spoke mostly French the whole time we were there. Then we got home and haven't spoken a word of it since. Ugh. All that work to just come home and lose it all? I don't think so. We have signed up for the next level French class starting on January 10th. French 4 here we come. And our wonderful French friend is super excited to help us read all the children's books we bought in the beautiful ancient bookstores I found in Lyon and Paris. Parlez vous Francais? Oui oui.
I Wanna...Donate. Yes, I wanna give money to charities. I'd also like to give time too but I'm already running short on that with all my big plans for the new year. Originally, I was thinking I would like to volunteer for a playhouse. I love seeing plays and musicals. One of my favorite things to do. And there are opportunities but they all ask for a long term commitment and I just don't know that I can do that right now. So, I'm going to pick a charity and Hubby is going to pick one and we'll start giving our money away. The nice thing about it is that both of our companies do a match so if we give, we make our companies give too. I've given lots of money and time to the breast cancer people. I'm done with them. I'm trying to decide between the MS Society or the Humane Society. Maybe both. Another benefit of donating? "They" say that people who give money to charities tend to become more wealthy than people who don't give. Win, win!
I Wanna...Save. While we're on the money subject---. I've always been a saver so it's not a huge stretch for me. I'm a planner through and through so saving is like second nature. But I do also love expensive shoes. This year, Hubby and I have vowed to simplify our already uncomplicated existence and just sock all of our excess money into savings so we can have and keep a little rainy day fund. Who knows, maybe I'll want to quit my job and be a struggling writer. Or maybe he'll get burnt out and need to run away for a few months. Then what would we do? We'll have the rainy day fund. I have a friend who calls it her "f&ck you fund" because if she feels like flipping her boss the finger and walking out the door, she can. Brilliant!
I Wanna...Do it NOW. I want to stop procrastinating. I'm not a huge procrastinator to begin with but I do tend to put some things off. Another thing I do pretty regularly is attach the "some day" statement to the end of a desire. I would love to write, some day. I would love to go sky diving, some day. I would love to learn to ride a motorcycle, some day. I would love to be fluent in a foreign language, some day. I would love to travel more, some day. Well, some day never comes if you don't sometimes make some day today. I started doing this in my own life a couple years ago and I'm getting better. I'm a work in progress. But I have learned to ride a motorcycle, I have been learning to speak French, I have travelled to some amazing places. Life is short and you never know when the sky will fall so you might as well live for today. Today, I'm writing because it makes me happy. Today, I'm playing my guitar because it makes me happy. Today, I'm going to hang out in a stinky old used bookstore because those are my favorite. If I want miracles in my life, I have to learn to act on my inspired thoughts when I have them or the enthusiasm will die and the magic will disappear. I don't want to be left wondering what could have been just because I was lazy or afraid to find out NOW.