Hope

Struggling to get the taste of 2011 out of my mouth, all I have is hope for the future.

As I sit here running the memories through my mind of the last 360 days, I realize that this year has been one of the most challenging of my entire life, although nothing can compare to 1989. Puberty was a bitch! I'll just leave it at that.

2011 in the world of Salina has challenged everything I believe, everything I thought I knew about myself, my future, my friends, my family, my health, my priorities. This blog started as a weight loss journey under the concept that if I choose to just live an active lifestyle, my body will naturally reflect my choices and shed the excess weight. As the year comes to a close, I'm forced to pick up that measuring stick and look at where I've been so I can make a plan for where I want to go.

I started the year at 167 lbs. A hop, skip, and a KO later, here I am on December 28th and the scale reports 176 lbs. Was I perfect? Apparently not, but perfection is not a prerequisite for progress. I have gained 9 lbs over the last year despite:

1. all the food tracking on sparkpeople,
2. exercising 5days per week,
3. working with a nutritionist,
4. working with a personal trainer,
5. having the world's best accountabilibuddy,
6. taking vitamins,
7. drinking 60oz of water every day,
8. sleeping 8hrs every night,
9. journaling every day,
10. taking a 3 week long dream vacation to France

So what happened.....again? Stress! Stress! Stress! Oh and a couple medical situations. The more important of the two is a disease called Hashimoto's Disease. You can read about it at the link provided but basically my immune system is attacking my thyroid gland so it has to work harder and harder to process enough thyroid hormone, which it's not doing so well. It's easily treated with thyroid replacement though. Time will tell how it impacts my weight loss efforts.

Stress is the primary suspected culprit. I'm still undecided about disclosing to the internet what exactly has happened but for now I will say that I have had a medical situation rock my world for the better part of 2011. In addition to that and Hashimoto's, my husband and I had to deal with a significant death in our family. No wait, two deaths. Our dog died this year too. Sweet Pollyanna!

RIP My Sweet Girl!

I think time has shown that my hypothesis was flawed. If I live an active lifestyle, my body won't necessarily reflect those choices and shed extra weight. Unfortunately, I have found that there is more to the equation than that. Do I have the answers? No freakin' clue! Perhaps I do but I haven't yet figured out how to implement them in my life.

I don't see my "project" if you want to call it that as a complete failure over the past few years though. I have successfully built a life that I love and friendships that have saved my sanity more than a few times. Once upon a time, I considered myself a couch potato but today that is no longer true. Even with challenges in my life, I'm living active and actively living. I have not and will not allow a diagnosis, a disability, a death, or any other challenge life decides to throw at me keep me from living the kind of life I want and deserve. I just get to redefine the path I suppose.

Mother nature spontaneously sets fire to her beautiful work to clear the debris and make way for new growth. Perhaps that's exactly what she has done in my life this year too. All I have now is hope for a better future no matter what it brings.