Monday, March 15, 2010

Weekend Adventures...Roller Derby practice league

Hi. So, I'm in a bit of a mood today. Just a warning I suppose. If I drop the F bomb a few too many times or insult anyone or everyone, get over it, it happens.

Sunday was the day. It was the big day. My first ever experience attending a roller derby practice league session. I was NERVOUS. Oh so nervous.
  • I'm not the best skater there ever was. Translation: I can make my way around the floor for a good hour or so without falling on my ass but am still not so good at stopping or turning or anything else.
  • I don't know anyone there so I was going all by my little lonesome.
  • I had no idea what to expect as far as how experienced one would have to be to not be laughed at and mocked all the way out the door and down the street.
Well, I got there and ended up on the wrong side of the building. Luckily though, there was another newby having the same experience so we joined effort and figured it out. Yay! First obstacle conquered. I found the place. You know when you see tattooed chicks in tights and knee high socks, you've found the right place. Finally, my kind of peeps.

Once I got in the building, I was then confused yet again. I had no idea what to do. Who to talk to. Where to go. Um? Ya. Luckily I'm not shy. "Hey, you have skates, who do I talk to being a newby here?" Done. Simple enough. Sign on the dotted line releasing them of any liability if I fall and break my face open and pay my $8. Okie doke.

Time to suit up. Oh ya. All the pads and helmet and stuff. You have to have all your own gear so it's good that I knew that ahead of time or I would have been screwed. At that point, the thoughts were going through my head. Here's a little sneak peak.
  • Seriously Salina, you better not stand up and fall over right off the bat. Get up and skate out there like nobody's business. No pusy foot now princess.
  • I hope I don't have to maneuver around anyone. Oh shit, I'm totally going to slam into someone and they're gonna kick me out.
  • My helmet is too big. God I hope I don't fall and it goes flying off while everyone is trying to skate. How freaking embarrassing would that be. Scuse me, sorry, excuse me, ya that's mine, thanks. Ugh!
  • Stop thinking of all the shitty things that could happen. Just go have fun. Who cares if you look like a retard on roller skates.
On the floor and skating around. So far so good. The track feels weird. Don't worry about the fact that I'm the slow car in the right lane while everyone is speeding past and weaving in and out and around. Honk honk, "MOVE DUMMY". Ya...that's me. Then the coach skated past me and said that I needed to be in the corner with the "beginners" after warmup was over. Duh! :)

In the corner I go. Hello ladies. I'm NEW! Like really NEW in case you couldn't tell. Wink wink. OMG, I'm such a freakin' nerd. Time to learn to stop and fall. Stop and fall. Those are the lessons today. Did you get that? We learn to stop. And we learn to fall. To fall. To FALL. Ya. Ok. You got it now? FALL! As long as we're all on the same page here.

Lesson #1: Stop Pizza. No, not stop for pizza. The pizza stop. Also known as snow plow. Get it? Like a slice of pizza. Gah! Oh my buns are burnin' after that one. Yaow!

Lesson #2: T-Stop. As in, balance on one foot while dragging the other one behind you. You want me to balance on one foot while rolling on wheels under my feet? Seriously? Um....ok. I actually picked it up pretty quick. Well, I was able to do it on one foot but disaster struck when I attempted the other side. Let's move on, shall we?

Lesson #3: Never never never NEVER do the toe drag stop. Bad! BAD! Never!

Lesson #4: Knee drag fall. Balance on one skate while dragging the toe (not the toe stop) behind you until you softly land on a knee and slide to a complete stop.

Lesson #5: 4-Way Stop/Fall. Similar to Lesson #4 but instead of resting on your knee, you tuck your leg under you and land on your hip. Now, my guess is this is where all the nasty bruises will eventually come from. Looking forward to that post I bet. And pictures?

Lesson #6: Cross-overs. Oh lordy lordy lordy. I can't figure these damn things out for the life of me. But, I got a couple tips and can't wait to practice them. I'm gonna figure it out if it kills me. Turn your upper body and head in the direction you want to turn. Look up and to where you intend to go. Wherever your eyes are looking is where your body will follow. Look down and you're going to fall. Bend your knees. Bend them. Bend them more. Practice standing in your skates and stepping your right foot over your left. Okay, now go try it in motion. Warning! You are going to fall. Get over it.

By the end, I was good and tired and felt like I learned a lot. I feel even more like I have a lot more to learn and practice before I can hang out with the pack and do the real drills. More to come.

I don't have pictures of the actual practice because no one went with me to take pictures and I was a little busy to take out my camera and snap some self-portraits. But I do have a couple crappy snap shots from roller skating the night before at Skate King.

Did I mention that I think I'm in love? I think I might just be in love. Or maybe it's just a crush. Either way...