I Wanna - Part 2

I Wanna...Relax. Chill out. Be more easy going, less stressed out. LESS STRESS! Stress has probably been my biggest problem throughout my life. I've been stressed out since I can remember. I was 7 years old when I first remember feeling stressed out and it's been pretty constant since then. For the past few months, I've been focusing all of my attention on stress management. I even have a little biofeedback device to tell me when I'm in a relaxed state because I can't even recognize it on my own. I read, I write, I play my guitar, I sleep, I exercise, I have bubble Fridays, I learned to knit. I want to learn to walk slower, and in the rain. I want to play more. I want to day dream more. I'm learning and will continue throughout the rest of the year and probably the rest of my life.

I Wanna...Write. Well, blogging will take care of some of that. But I want more than that. Some of the happiest days I had last year were spent writing essays for a book that is being written my Suzette Standring. The great and ominous "They" say that if you want to know what you're meant to do with your life, you should ask yourself what you choose to do when you have no other obligations. Or you can ask yourself what you think about when you're brushing your teeth. For me, it's writing. I read books or journal when I have nothing else going on. And when I'm brushing my teeth, I'm running through all the ideas I have for things I could write. But do I write? No. Why? Because I'm an emotional basket case who has tortured myself into paralysis from doing what I love to do. I did the same thing with playing my guitar. Well I'm done. Done allowing that bitch in my head to steal my joy.

I Wanna...Speak French. Hubby and I took French classes all through 2011 to prepare for our big vacation to/around France. We studied and studied and practiced and got all ready. We went to France and spoke mostly French the whole time we were there. Then we got home and haven't spoken a word of it since. Ugh. All that work to just come home and lose it all? I don't think so. We have signed up for the next level French class starting on January 10th. French 4 here we come. And our wonderful French friend is super excited to help us read all the children's books we bought in the beautiful ancient bookstores I found in Lyon and Paris. Parlez vous Francais? Oui oui.

I Wanna...Donate. Yes, I wanna give money to charities. I'd also like to give time too but I'm already running short on that with all my big plans for the new year. Originally, I was thinking I would like to volunteer for a playhouse. I love seeing plays and musicals. One of my favorite things to do. And there are opportunities but they all ask for a long term commitment and I just don't know that I can do that right now. So, I'm going to pick a charity and Hubby is going to pick one and we'll start giving our money away. The nice thing about it is that both of our companies do a match so if we give, we make our companies give too. I've given lots of money and time to the breast cancer people. I'm done with them. I'm trying to decide between the MS Society or the Humane Society. Maybe both. Another benefit of donating? "They" say that people who give money to charities tend to become more wealthy than people who don't give. Win, win!

I Wanna...Save. While we're on the money subject---. I've always been a saver so it's not a huge stretch for me. I'm a planner through and through so saving is like second nature. But I do also love expensive shoes. This year, Hubby and I have vowed to simplify our already uncomplicated existence and just sock all of our excess money into savings so we can have and keep a little rainy day fund. Who knows, maybe I'll want to quit my job and be a struggling writer. Or maybe he'll get burnt out and need to run away for a few months. Then what would we do? We'll have the rainy day fund. I have a friend who calls it her "f&ck you fund" because if she feels like flipping her boss the finger and walking out the door, she can. Brilliant!

I Wanna...Do it NOW. I want to stop procrastinating. I'm not a huge procrastinator to begin with but I do tend to put some things off. Another thing I do pretty regularly is attach the "some day" statement to the end of a desire. I would love to write, some day. I would love to go sky diving, some day. I would love to learn to ride a motorcycle, some day. I would love to be fluent in a foreign language, some day. I would love to travel more, some day. Well, some day never comes if you don't sometimes make some day today. I started doing this in my own life a couple years ago and I'm getting better. I'm a work in progress. But I have learned to ride a motorcycle, I have been learning to speak French, I have travelled to some amazing places. Life is short and you never know when the sky will fall so you might as well live for today. Today, I'm writing because it makes me happy. Today, I'm playing my guitar because it makes me happy. Today, I'm going to hang out in a stinky old used bookstore because those are my favorite. If I want miracles in my life, I have to learn to act on my inspired thoughts when I have them or the enthusiasm will die and the magic will disappear. I don't want to be left wondering what could have been just because I was lazy or afraid to find out NOW.

Resolution Schmesolution

Every year I make resolutions and every year I review them to see that I haven't really accomplished any of them as I had previously defined. Then I take a moment to throw a mini pity party for myself before I realize just how much I accomplished through the year that may not have been on my new years resolution list.

Example #1- One of my resolutions for 2011 was to finally get this extra weight off. Here I am at the end of the year and I'm 9lbs heavier than I was on January 1st. Total failure? Not exactly. I have been doing pretty rigorous weight training and I'm told that I have built a substantial amount of muscle which could explain some of the gain. Plus, health isn't just all about the scale either. I have maintained a consistent exercise regimen throughout the year even with the sky falling all around me.

Example #2 - Another goal for 2011 was to have a significant amount of money in savings but I'm no where near that balance. Again, failure? No way! I was still able to save more than I had in previous years and take a dream vacation to France and I enjoyed going out with friends and fun activities with my nephews. Success!

Example #3 - I had a goal of getting my dog into agility training in 2011. I did NOT do any agility training with her though. That seems pretty cut and dry as a failure. But knowing the dog she was at the beginning of the year and how she is now shows me that I have successfully helped her through her psycho fears so she can be a normal dog. So what if I didn't pursue the agility course for her. She's no longer deathly afraid of everything and she can be a happy dog. That's success in my book.

I've weighed in on the new years resolution debate before (Resolutions, Goal Setting) and little came of it so I'm not concocting any master plans this year. Instead, I'm just going to give a simple list of what I've been thinking of putting on my new years resolutions list. Of course the following items don't meet the requirements of appropriate goal setting and they're mostly vague but I don't care this year. I'm just writing down what makes me happy and I'll go from there.

Clean house (organize, label, sort, toss)
Move
Lose 50lbs
Guitar
Spread joy
Write
Relax
Speak French
Donate
Blog
Save
Do it NOW
Be nice

I'll elaborate on them and will also likely revise the list as time goes by but at least it's an idea and it's in writing. Actually, I'll elaborate on one of them right now.

BLOG
I've totally slacked on the blogging in the past few months, for very good reason. Regardless, I've decided to reinstate the monthly activity list and maybe even the voting feature if I can figure out this new stupid Blogger interface. When I started blogging back in 2009, I did so because I love to write, I wanted to start "journaling", and I wanted the accountability and support network that comes from blogging as I figured out how to remove the couch fabric from my ass. It was a brilliant plan and it worked well for a long time. And....it was fun. Very important! So I'm doing it again. Blogging regularly and choosing a different activity to dedicate myself to each month.

January. January is going to be dedicated to.....ballroom dancing. Woohoo! Stay tuned for more info. I'll have my activity calendar posted and I'll let you all know my plan so you can watch, point, and laugh at me as I stumble my way through the month.

And just for fun.....other bloggers and their take on resolutions:
Happiness Project Resolution Questions
Endurance isn't Only Physical Resolutions
Helen doing a 180 - To Not Sucking

Exciting News

Today, my friends, I get to be featured on FitBlogger. Yay for me! I'm pretty sure the post is a masterpiece but you can be the judge of that. Go on over there and take a look for yourself. Don't forget to leave comments. You know how I love those.

In other news, I had an idea. A master plan if you will. But aren't all my ideas brilliant? No. Anyway...

New Years Resolutions
I've noticed over the past couple years that my gym fills up in January and February then in March it starts dying down again. Three words - New Years Resolutioners. Every year, we begrudgingly put a list of goals together because we typically feel like crap if we don't and every year we fight with ourselves about whether or not we should actually do what it takes to get a move on any of the things on the list. Do we really WANT to do what it takes to change our lives? Sometimes. But if we could have exactly what we wanted without having to do any work for it, would we gladly sign right up for that option? Absofreakinlutely!

I've read articles over the years that say we're actually better off not making an new years resolutions. Why? Because the chance of us actually following through with our goals or promises to ourselves is slim to none. The majority of us will make a list, contemplate what we need to do to realize those goals, maybe we'll try for a little while (a month or two), then decide it's just too much work and we give up. I don't know about you but when a friend of mine tells me that they are going to be there for me or do something with me and then they don't show up or give up on me after minimal effort, I feel dumped and unimportant. I'll typically give them a couple chances because lets face it, people are fallible and we all make mistakes. After a few times of being let down and disappointed though, I'll eventually stop trusting them. What do you think happens when we give up on ourselves? Same damn thing.

In my opinion, setting news years resolutions is a golden opportunity to build some valuable self efficacy. If you struggle with believing in yourself, it's time to put yourself to a challenge. Not a list of challenges. One! Choose one thing that you want more than anything else in the world and focus your attention on it. If and when you do that, you end up feeling like you can conquer the world which is contagious. All we need is one little flame lit inside us and with every small success, the fire grows and before we know it, we have flames shooting out our asses.

So how do we do it? How do we get that tiny little flame to start burning? Well, it's a 12-step process. Naaaaa, just joking. One more word for you: SUPPORT. Ignore the nay sayers, they've just given up on themselves and want to feel less shitty about it by making the rest of us believe we can't succeed either. That's bullshit! Let the nay sayers learn from our example instead, that's what I say.

Over the past couple years, I've struggled and experienced a few successes as well. I sometimes get down on myself and judge myself too harshly but I have figured one thing out for sure, no matter what...I NEVER GIVE UP on ME. I can't take much of the credit though. The one thing I've done right in my estimation is I got myself a support network. I kinda sorta feel like it's payback time. I'm still chugging along with my own goals and stuff but I really really really want to be there for others too.

So my brilliant idea is this: I'm offering to be your Accountabilibuddy if you want one. I'll share my goals for the year and my plans for successfully accomplishing them if you will do the same? If you're struggling with what to do or how to do it, tell me and I'll do what I can to be a resource or just a cheerleader in your corner. If you have advice or suggestions for me or for others to get that flame a'burnin', email me or leave comments. I want to give more than I want to take this year. We can do this new years resolution thing together and show the nay sayers where they can shove it.

So what do you think?